SUICIDE

I want to kill myself but I don’t know how
The end holds no fear for me; it’s the process that I’m a tad apprehensive towards
Shall it be by the blade, the bullet or deadly poison?
Limitless choices are spread out before me
I could run in front of a vehicle
Fling myself into murderous waters
Ensure I’m in the path of some deadly animal
O, the joy of ending my life on my own terms
I hold the knife, running a finger over its sharpness
Maybe this isn’t the one for me
I grip the pistol, stroking the nozzle like a lover
No, I don’t think this is it either
I hold the sachet of fatal powder
Hmmn, maybe a more physical death will do it for me
I leap up, race outside and prepare to fling myself before the appropriate vehicle
But I can’t seem to decide which one would have the honour of conveying me to the afterlife
I dash to the banks of a deadly current, tensing my muscles in anticipation of plunging into its icy depths
But I’m not entirely sure I want to get wet
There is no other recourse but to be mauled by a vicious beast
But isn’t it just my luck, none seem to be out today.
I guess I won’t kill myself after all
I never knew how arduous it was
All these means to mortality
I think I’ll wait till the Lord takes me
I’d love to observe His technique
Maybe I could learn a thing or two.

AN ASIDE

First of all, TEMITE! TEMITE! TEMITE! How many times did I call you? How dare you close your blog and not invite me. No vex me o, better make amends sharp, sharp.

And who on earth is RocNaija and how long was I away for that he got so huge so fast? I'm intrigued...

DUBAI-BAI

It was a banging week! That's all I can say, absolutely banging! I took so many photos, I dont even know which to put up here, they'll probably all end up on fb or something. I planned everyday to go blog, but I was always so busy, the shopping is amaaayyyzing!!! Its like the US and jand put together, like they've got all the high street shops: New look, Topshop and River Island dem and awon Forever 21, H&M, Zara, Nine West, Aldo...The guys, not so great, all they have is bucket loads of Arab money, but not much in the looks department. Oh, except the guys that live in Jumeira, HOTT!!! Thats like the bougie area, where the ruler of Dubai lives and everything, the guys there are on a kentro.

And the cars!! Triple damn! First of all they're nearly all white, my friend Amaka was like even cars she didnt know came in white she saw them this week. Then every night at the Mall of the Emirates is like a goddamn car show, too messy! It has to be seen to be believed. And this hotel, The Atlantis, messiest hotel I've ever seen, has underwater rooms!

All in all, I'm impressed, its a great vacation spot, fabulous shopping, cool people, lots to do and ogle at, fantastic eating[TGI Fridays, Applebees, Chilli's, Krispy Kreme, Haagen Dazs cafe, Baskin Robbibs, Wagamama e.t.c.], seriously there isn't much need to go to yankee or jand anymore, everything there is in Dubai. Plenty time to recharge my batteries and face my court attachments head on. Thanks to everyone who missed me and wondered aloud where I had got to and commented on my last post, bisous xxx.


TALLEST FREAKIN BUILDING IN THE WORLD [peep how its higher than the clouds]


AT CHI @ THE LODGE [2face performed here on April 4th]


MAGNIFIQUE CHIENNE, lol


SAHARA BABY!!


BEDOUIN CAMPSITE. les poussins et henne


HOMIEZZZZ


THE ATLANTIS


SICKEST CAR I'VE EVER SEEN!!

THE BEGINNING (AGAIN)

You know that episode in Gossip Girls where Dan had to write a story for the author he was interning with and the only thing he could write about was he and Serena's relationship? His dad asked him why he couldn't write anything else and he said because that was his story and that was all that came to mind when he put his pen to paper. Thats kinda like whats been going on with me, I actually haven't looked at my blog since the last post I put up but whenever I thought about blogging all i could think about were my personal problems.

You cling to the vestiges of a past life even when you know its dead and you drag its empty carcass around with you and then suddenly something happens to finally drive it home that its over and done with, can never be resurrected and you must move on with your life as fabulously as you can. For me that day was today and since I'm finally free of my demon I can write its obituary without feeling like I'm writing in my own blood.

Love doesn't conquer all. Tolerance, trust, faith, understanding, truthfulness and the ability to close your eyes are what make for a long and happy relationship and if you dont have that and you're madly in love and lust, you'll have fun yeah, and you can actually have fun for a long time, say 2 years but then after a while you admit to yourself that fun isn't enough.

So here's to April 4th 2009, 4.50pm for freeing me and allowing me to write again, to feel again, to laugh again and to love again, sometime, hopefully. And I'm getting on in a gbogbos bigz girlz steez, off to Dubai tomorrow for some retail therapy and Middle Eastern totty. Ediri, Erenma, lets go there!!!!

DIRTY SEXY SHISHA AND A 13 YR OLD DAD

Lost my shisha virginity last week and believe me it wasn't all its cracked up to be. I felt like I was just inhaling very unaddictive, scented second hand smoke.

On the side, A 13YR OLD DAD!! I'm sure to some people this must be commonplace but I was totally blown away, especially because he looks way younger than his age and his baby mama is 15 but looks 18. I swear I wan laugh die when I saw this picture, I was like this babe sef, weren't there any other guys she knew that she had to go do the dirty with someone who looks like her kid brother. Too freakin hilarious.


Amaaayyyzing!


first puff, thinking i was going to get high immediately [shows what a ju-chick i am]


laughing like a hyena because i felt so stupid

WTF!

Before anything else, I have to get this rant out of the way, Chris Brown, Rihanna? WTF! How could he do that? Am I the only person who thinks that there's something seriously loco going down because the reports are too bizarre. I first heard about it Sunday night watching the Grammy's Live From The Red Carpet on E, when Ryan Seacrest confirmed that they would both not be attending because Chris Brown had assaulted an unknown female even though they were slated to perform. Then I was just like "see this irresponsible kids o, get a little bit of fame and you think you can blow off things like the freakin Grammys". Fast forward to Monday morning and I get an alert from TMZ [I subscribe, its shameful, I know] and I'm just like sheeyiit! Rihanna was the unknown female? I hit the google circuit and all these reports were just coming in fast and furious, to say I am flabbergasted would be an understatement. It reminded me of a convo I had with my cousin, Chidi a few months back, about the both of them and how Breezy was soo cute and soo cool and such a sweet guy and that Rihanna would be the one to eff with him [you know these island chicks]. A couple of months after this the *Kanye scandal hit and it just confirmed everyrhing I said that day, but this totally blows it outta the water like OMG!

*this was when there were reports that Miss Barbados shagged Kanye and gave Chris Brown herpes.

The gist [from the ever reliable TMZ] is that shortly after they left Clive Davis' pre Grammy party Breezy got an sms from a woman who wrote about hooking up later and that's what started the confrontation. He apparently pulled over and hit her so badly with his fists that she could barely open her eyes, she had a fat lip, swollen mouth, her nose was bloodied and there were contusions on her forehead and both sides of her face and also BITE MARKS [seriously!] on her arm and several fingers!!! She wasn't even the one that called 911, people heard her screaming and called the police and by then, Chris Brown had taken off to turn himself in. I need to digress a little, EFFING TURN HIMSELF IN! Like, he left a woman all battered and bruised in his car and went to turn himself in, like what good is that gonna do? Anyhoo the police took pictures of Rihanna at the scene and took her to the hospital, they then impounded his car, a rented Lamborghini. He was booked on a charge of felony criminal threats with the possibility of further charges e.g. domestic abuse being filed against him, he was released on $50,000 bail on Monday.

The repercussions have been outstanding:
1) He was set to host 2 parties in Arizona this weekend for the NBA All-Star festivities and he's just been officially replaced with Nelly.

2)His "Got Milk" campaign just got shelved, with this statement fom the campaign people. "The Milk Moustache campaign is taking the allegations agains Chris Brown very seriously. We are very proud and protective of the image of the Milk Moustache campaign and the responsible message it sends to teens. Mr. Brown's ad was launched last fall and is scheduled to end this week"

3)Wrigley annouced today that they were suspending their ad campaign for Doublemint gum featuring Breezy, they said in a statement. "We have made the decision to suspend the current advertising featuring Brown and any related marketing communications until after the matter is resolved"

I don't think I've seen this kind of backlash against a star since the Kate Moss debacle 2 years ago and that was just her harming herself. Here we have a young superstar beating on a female and not just any female but Rihanna. He's career is so effed, like if he can recover from this I'll truly believe that anything is possible, even though we live in an age of miracles right now [Barack Obama anyone?]

THE STORY OF HERSELF

I was five when I had my first kiss, his name was Olumide and he lived in the house next to mine. I remember we were playing hide and go seek, I was hiding he was seeking and he found me. I can see myself clearly, standing there in my ripped shorts and my Care Bears vest top bartering shamelessly, promising anything if he would go away quietly without letting on that he had found me. The future criminal then boldly said he would do it for a kiss, no big deal I thought then kissed him on the cheek, “no” said the 6year old cad,” like French people do”. I was understandably confused, I had no idea how French people kissed, I had never even met any and thinking they had to be a civilized group I acquiesced and before I knew it, his mouth was clamped on mine like a vacuum and we were swapping spit, literally.

I had never been so disgusted in all my short life and this incident was so monumental that I remember absolutely nothing before it. It was like I was born just a few minutes before THE KISS because that was my earliest memory.

Most people usually remember their mother’s faces bending over them in their cribs or their first day at school, in short most people’s memories are usually up and running before they’re 5 except me, mine happens to be an extremely gruesome kiss with a boy I haven’t seen since. Luckily he didn’t ruin my subsequent experiences
and I got through adolescence with the least amount of harm.

What are your earliest memories? Oh yeah and of first kisses too!