Nok by Alara - An Ode

Restaurant Review - Pat's Bar & Restaurant

Pat's Bar and Restaurant is a hugely popular expat hang-out in Lagos and as is common-place, where expats are gathered in Nigeria a certain sort of clientele seems to congregate there. 

Pat's Bar used to have a reputation of not being the sort of place you'd want to be seen but they've recently changed management, re-furbished and re-branded, and thank Christ those dark, seedy days are behind them.

I went there for lunch last week and I was suitably impressed.

I've come to the sad realization that people are just not that interested in signage, again there was no sign out front. I think they thought the thatched roof hanging out over Ajose Adeogun street and the flashing Heineken signs would suffice in lieu of a clear, well-placed sign advertising their establishment. Well, what do I know, I'm just a hungry customer who has had it up to here with performing navigation miracles looking for all these sign-less restaurants.

Moving on.....

Pat's Bar and Restaurant is a British sports bar, leaning more towards rugby but shows football on several large screens spread out across the restaurant.

Its pretty basic out front, obviously the decorator (if there was even one) is definitely not cut from the same design cloth as Nate Berkus or Martha Stewart. Rather the shady, leafy, thatched oasis tucked away in VI Extension just says "come in, cast down your burden and get shattered...and maybe get propositioned by a prostitute or two)...nah I'm just kidding, I think they did away with all the pro's when they changed management.....I hope.

It has an outdoor beer garden.

With an outdoor bar...

The inside is again, not a feat of interior decorating prowess but it serves its purpose. I couldn't get pictures of the tables because there were a few people sat there and I wasn't sure they'd take kindly to being photographed and they definitely would not have stood aside for the minute or so it would have taken me to get a shot, so you'd have to rely on my word.

Its quite spacious with several nooks for more private dining *drops you a sly wink* and a decent open seating area, plus the outdoor tables ensures that it will not be uncomfortably crowded.

They have a live band too. I went in the middle of the day so they weren't up and running and so I can't give an opinion on their skill. According to the manager though it gets pretty lively at night and the day I went there they actually had a Nigerian rock artist that was going to perform that night and a few celebrity DJs were going to be spinning throughout the week too.

Now to the best part, the food was great. Like really good.

I was pleasantly surprised because the first time I went to Pat's Bar was a few years ago when it used to give a pretty good imitation of a brothel for expats that just happened to serve food, the food was nasty, just awful.

This time however, it was fantastic.

I ate till I was literally stuffed, ties were loosened, buttons were popped, plates were wiped clean......it was a good lunch.

My fave had the Pollo Asado which is a Mexican dish made up of red beans, rice, chicken and some other stuff. He pronounced it excellent.

I had the grilled chilli fish and fries and I pronounced it amazeballs.

Ambience - Again I can't really say. I went in the afternoon on a week-day so it was very quiet but the Pat's Bar of old that I remember does a roaring trade at night. I'm not sure if they've retained that liveliness though, you'd have to go to see for yourself. Therefore I can't really rate it. I like the fact that you had the choice of seating in an open area inside or in a more private part of the room though.

Service - The service was good. We had the manager drop by our table a few times to ensure that everything was going well. Slight but very important snag however, the food took a wee bit of time to get to us. Quite enough time that we had to ask what was taking so long. So they really need to step up with their timing. Tardiness aside the waitress was attentive, a bit spacey but I'm sure it came from a good place. I give it 2.5 starts out of 5 for service.

Drinks - I had a Maltina which was, as always like honey to my parched throat and we all know Maltina is nectar of the Gods so it can't be rated. I had a peek at their drinks menu though and it was pretty impressive, quite the selection. They're also reputed to have the best whisky selection in Lagos, whisky aficionados might want to get into that.

Food - 4.5 out of 5 and that's very high praise indeed. They have a varied menu cutting across African, Continental and Mexican so there's something for even the most discerning palate. 

Price - The pricing here is pretty good. I had a whole fish and chips for N3,200; appetizers are not more than N1800; burgers range from N2000 to N2690; nothing on the Nigerian menu is more than N3,500; steak goes for N3300 to N6500; pizzas are not more than N3000; the Mexican is from N2600 to N4500 and deserts are not more than N1300. Considering how good the food is and the satisfying portions being served I thought it was quite affordable compared to what we're usually stuck with in this expensive slum called Lagos.

Oh and there's happy hour every weekday from 6pm to 8pm and full English breakfast every weekend.

Pat's Bar & Restaurant is located at 292c Ajose Adeogun street Victoria Island Lagos

Restaurant Review - Bottles

Bottles is a Mexican restaurant situated in Victoria Island, Lagos. Apparently its being around for about 10 years but I'd only just heard of it and went down there last Friday for a friends birthday.

As described on their website "Bottles gets it's name from the bottles strewn around the restaurant.... Green Gin bottles, emptied by drunken sailors and traders and thrown into the oily waters of the Delta. Years later these Bottles have been retrieved and collected as artifacts...... Giving rise to the theme of Bottles Restaurant."

Yeah well, sidest of eyes to that, I didn't see any bottles on the floor, probably safer anyway.

Alright lets get in to it, first of all...NO SIGNS!!

There was absolutely nothing to indicate this place was a culinary establishment of any sort, if not for the crush of cars parked outside I wouldn't have known anything was happening there. Luckily I know the surrounding area pretty well so it wasn't very difficult for me to find it but please, for the love of God, a well placed sign would not hurt, really.

Below is a photo of the front door, I'm guessing they were going for a Mexican/African rustic vibe, maybe aping the outdoor of an Inca hut, who knows. It was cute, though a bit contrived.

Outside the restaurant is the usual table heaped with overpriced African touristy art, jewelry etc; this is obviously geared towards the expat community because you could pick these up for way less at the beach.

The decor within was very bright, think Betty Suarez's huse in Ugly Betty. Enough colours to make a Dulux exec swoon.

I liked it.

contrary to my somber, gloomy, vampiric nature I'm very fond of colour.

I LOVED this mural at the end of the room, the streets of Cuernevaca perhaps? I almost expected exotic women with flashing dark eyes and kerchiefs tied around their heads, doing the salsa to apparate into the room. The visual was that strong.

The interior.

See what I said about the colours?

You could use this room to teach a toddler his entire spectrum of primary and secondary colours.

Blinding.

The bar was cute, with the sombreros hung around the top.

There was a live band too.

I didn't stay till late but apparently around 10-ish it gets super lively, singers weaving around the room, the band belting out their cucarachas. Wish I could have stayed for that, will definitely try to get there later another time.

Zee Sabroso, or the tasty food to you non-Spanish speakers...including me...I just googled that :)

I put the menus here so you guys can ruin your eyes trying to read what's on it so you can all get glasses. Everybody looks better in glasses, non?

I'd heard about their frozen margaritas, apparently they're famous for it. I'm not much of a drinker myself and would always take a bottle of Maltina over the best glass of wine anyday but I had a few alchys with me who sang the praises of the frozen strawberry margaritas to high heavens.

I thought it was a bit bitter but maybe that's how they're supposed to taste, how do I know.

Everyone gets complimentary nachos and salsa, not spicy enough for me, but then again nothing ever is. It tasted good though.

I ordered prawns and chips (yes I like my prawns) which honestly wasn't very nice. Prawns are pretty easy to cook and I was a bit taken aback that they could be screwed up. It wasn't "spit out on the floor you're trying to poison me" bad, but I didn't like it, and I know my prawns.

One of my friends had enchiladas which although looked like heart disease on a plate apparently tasted beyond amazing, she literally mopped her plate up.

Ambience - Top marks, they were going for a warm, convivial atmosphere and they nailed it. The decor alone makes one happy, you can't be in a  room that looks like an explosion in a Mexican paint factory and be upset. Plus the music was so jolly you're literally wreathed in smiles throughout. Not a place for a romantic dinner though, people are shouty and cheery and drunk as skunks in there, no way you can wear your heart on your sleeve or propose at Bottles. I'd give it 5 out of 5 stars for ambience.

Service - It was pretty standard, considering we were there at happy hour and the place was teeming I thought the waitresses did an alright job. 2.5 stars out of 5

Drinks - I can't personally rate it but an overwhelming majority swear by their frozen maragaritas so I guess it must be good.

Food - My prawns were nasty, I'd give them a 0.5 based on my dish alone but everyone else loved their food so I guess there must be something good there. Don't go by my restricted palate, I'm a picky eater. Plus they serve a pretty standard Tex-Mex fare of Fajitas, Taquita, Flautas, Tostadas, Tacos, Tequila Prawns *raised eyebrow*, Quesadillas, Burritos, Chimichangas etc. So if that's your thing, go get you some.

Price - Everything in Lagos is so overpriced that some prices which would be scandalous abroad seem almost affordable. So I won't compare the Bottles prices with restaurants outside the country. Appetizers are no more than N2,500, steaks cost between N3,000 to N6,000, burgers are not more than N3,200 and the most expensive dish there is the Surf & Turf combo which goes for N6,200. Not bad in my estimation.

All in all it has a very jolly atmosphere and is a great place to let your hair down and get a couple of drinks in before you kick of your night proper.

Oh yeah they also do takeaways

3 stars out of 5.

Bottles is at 8 Imam Agusta close off Olosa street off Karimu Kotun street which is off Akin Adesola street (trust me you need these directions) Victoria Island, Lagos.

Phone number is 0700 BOTTLES (2688537)

I forgot the best bit! On Tuesday nights they have an event called Texas Tuesdays where you can get unlimited wings and beer for just N4,500. Now if you were me you'd have mentally discounted the beer bit and focused on the wings bit and gone unlimited wings????

Yes, unlimited, all night. All for just N4,500.

Will def be there next Tuesday and if you see me there don't be shy to say hi..or high...who the heck knows what Tonto was trying to say.

Love and light xx

TWP Restaurant Review - Bar Campione

So I decided to start something new on TWP, I eat out quite a bit and I've noticed whenever I mention I went to a particular place I get comments asking what I think about the place and also messages asking me to recommend places to eat or have group dinners in Lagos.

So I figured when I go somewhere I might as well document the experience.

We're starting off today with Bar Campione.

Bar Campione is an Italian-American sports bar/restaurant located in Victoria Island. It boasts luxurious seating, cinema style sports viewing with in-play sports betting.

Yup, you can place bets as you watch, hellooo William Hill.

I liked the decor, it was very dark, woodsy and manly. If there were cracked leather arm-chairs all over the place and a fugue of smoke in the air it could pass for one of those dim gentlemen clubs in London

There was enough space between the diners which I'm very particular about, there's nothing more annoying than trying to eat and having the elbow of the person at the next table in your soup.

They had quite an extensive cocktail menu, then again, this is Lagos, we rival the Irish in drinking, everywhere has an extensive cocktail menu.

Now to the bit I was there for, the food.

First off I thought the service was a bit lacking. We had an enthusiastic waiter but he just didn't seem to be on the ball. I don't know if it was because we came in at lunch time on a weekday and they probably weren't prepared for guests but the service could definitely have been better.

I had French fries and prawns with a chilli sauce (I'm pretty sure my meal had a much fancier name but it escapes me right now). I thought it was great, besides the fact that the chilli sauce wasn't as peppery as I'd like (but I'm Igbo, we have pepper for breakfast). The prawns tasted awesome, great flavour and texture and my fries were just right, the right amount of crispy and delicious. The fries also had a slight tang which I loved, I'm a big one for flavour, can't stand bland food and this meal was certainly packed full of flavour.

Overall I really liked it.

On the flip-side however, my friend had a club sandwich and french fries and had no good words to say about it at all. I think the lacklustre service definitely contributed to his dissatisfaction, but he didn't like his food one bit.

One thing I thought that was funny was there was no sign out front. I don't subscribe to that nonsense of not having a sign because the people that know it can find it, I am directionally challenged, I couldn't find my way out of a paper bag and I need clear signs to tell me where I'm going. If I'd gone to this place myself I would never have found it, even now I still don't think I can.

They really need to enlarge that tiny "BC" sign out front and stick a great big "BAR CAMPIONE" billboard outside so people like me can find it.

In conclusion......

I liked it, I'll definitely go back, it had a nice chill vibe and good food. The staff might need to work on their people and service skills a bit though.

I give it 2.5 TWP stars out of 5.

Love and light xx

Bar Campione is located at No 13 Kasumu Ekemode street off Saka Tinubu street Victoria Island Lagos.