Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Long Time Coming

The sick dress and unnecessary but insane leather gloves I wore to the dinner my parents had for me to celebrate my being Called to the Bar

Barrister So Special

I was afraid my blogville visa might have expired, I haven't blogged in sooo long. So much has been going on you wouldn't believe, so here's a quick rundown:

1) I had a fab fab holiday, stocked up on baffs to wow them in the workplace

2) Got my result, Blogville's very own 3WP made a 2:1 or 2nd Class Upper to be more formal. *my cup runneth over*

3) Fell in love

4) Started NYSC and experienced the strangeness of my country Nigeria when all female corpers were forced to take mandatory pregnancy tests. (i have to digress, the experience was too fantastic to just gloss over) Got to camp in Iyana Ipaja in Lagos and was told that before I start registering I have to take a pregnancy test. So I and my friend Ediri were like no biggie, lets go find a lab, "no uh" says the NYSC official "you take the test here in camp". So we were like cool, "where?". The dude now points to this impossibly long line where you can't even tell whats going on up ahead. So we joined the line and stood under the blazing sun for exactly 2hours and 36 minutes (i kid you not). Getting to the front of the line I was confronted by Auschwitz or Bergen-Belsen in Nigerian form, I was given this little, dinky plastic bottle and sent to some kind of sunken patch of grass. My modesty was being protected by tattered hospital screens and piles of matresses, there were now these 3 'nurses' sat there watching all the girls pee. We had to squat (need I remind you that this is all taking place outside) over the plastic bottles and pee in them in full view of the 'nurses'. They were there to make sure we didnt substitute non-preggers pee for preggers pee because married women are not allowed to take part in NYSC. So each 'nurse ' was assigned to a girl and she'd bend down until she was in full view of your privates and from time to time yell out "open am well, make i see the piss". It was a miracle that I was even able to perform under such circustances. Anti-bacterial hand wash and sanitizers were in hot demand that day.

5) Got an exeat from camp and took off for Abuja for my call to bar. Call Week was the bunzest, there were parties every night, I and my friends partied like it was 1999, too effing mad! Had my own dinner and after party on the 6th after my Call.

6) Got Called to the Bar, it might be a bit sappy but I swear I got goosebumps when the Chairman of the Body of Benchers said "I now formally invite you all and severally to the Nigeiran Bar, you may now put on your wigs", or some ish like that.

7) Came back to Lagos, went to camp the next day. Escaped from camp that same night around 11pm under the cover of darkness wearing hastily purchased 'okrika' clothes (which I bought for N500). I couldn't escape in my clothes or the NYSC kit because I'd be caught, so I was told to dress like the market women that work in the mammy market, bathroom slippers and all then maybe I could get through the gates. I and Ediri deserved Oscars that night because we played our mammy market role to the hilt, we even threw out some choice Yoruba phrases as we passed the soldiers.

8) Fell out of love

9) Managed to finally acquire exeats so I'm now free to go in and out of camp as i plese, no more subterfuge. Youth service is not for the faint of heart.

So that's been all so far, hegziting non?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Like everyone else I'd been seeing trailers for the movie 'District 9' for a couple of months now but I'd never really rated it as a 'must see', alien invasions; not my thing. Then last week I heard that it had been pulled from all the cinemas in Nigeria and Information Minister; Dora Akunyili had [on behalf of Nigeria] written a letter to Sony Entertainment, who distributes 'District 9' to edit out the scenes in which Nigerians were portrayed in a not so favourable light.

Of course that got my amebo juices flowing and I had to go see what all the fuss was about, so one cold, windy night in Canary Wharf, I and my friends formed a Nigerian contingent and went to see what the dilly was. Let's just say I came out of there pissed as hell! I'm not an overly patriotic Nigerian but that movie was an effing piss take, they managed to insult us as a nation on every level. Not to be a complete hater, it was a good movie, engaging, action packed etc, i mean it wasn't my thing but I was able to sit through it [though I think that had more to do with the 8 pounds I paid to see the damn thing, compared to the 500 naira I usually pay at Silverbird or the 150 naira I'd have given to my homie down the road who'd have hit me up wit a bootleg right quick].

But I digress, back to the point 'District 9' is about aliens and humans co-existing side by side in Johannesburg and the movie begins when the South African government try to relocate the aliens from District 9 to another district where they won't be in such proximity with humans. So where my poor countrymen come in, is that within District 9, they're the only humans that live there and they're involved in arms selling, trading with the aliens, cannibalism, ritual killing, inter-species prostitution [wtf!] and the biggest insult of all, the gang leader is called 'Obasanjo'!. Now I'm all for freedom of expression and media and press or whatnot, after all I'm a writer, but this is actually extreme. In the first instance the movie is directed by a South African , Neill Blomkamp and set in South Africa but I can count on one hand how many times South Africa was mentioned in that movie, what I kept hearing was 'the Nigerians' this and 'the Nigerians' that. They made sure they didn't leave the viewers in any doubt as to who the criminals in the movie were, we were basically reduced to the level of the aliens maybe even lower, as in INTER SPECIES PROSTITUTION!!! What the hell! Nigerian girls sleeping with the aliens, who btw looked like giant prawns. I left the cinema thoroughly disgusted. Plus the sheer audacity of naming the gang leader Obasanjo was mind boggling, granted he's no Winston Churchill but that was just immensely disrespectful. Imagine Nigerian filmmakers making movies about South African gangsters and naming the leader Nelson Mandela, I doubt if that will fly. If they wanted that calibre of people in their movie seeing as the movie is set in Johannesburg, why not make the gangsters local South Africans? Instead they had to go all the way to West Africa and put Nigerians in a movie that should not have concerned them in the first place.

At the end of the movie, I actually stayed behind so I could see the credits and see if any Nigerian was foolish enough to actually be a cast member and what did I see? A foolish Nigerian called SAINT GREGORY NWOKEDI [we need to find this dude and set him straight]. How much could they have paid that man to appear in a movie that portrayed his country in such a damnable light, plus he's an Ibo man, I know my kinsmen like the Benjamins but I didn't think it was to this level. I am very dissapointed in the entire production team and I wholeheartedly support the Nigerian governments stand of banning 'District 9' from all the cinemas, at leat we won't participate in helping the movie make any more money.

I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get a lot of flak over this but I don't care. Some people are saying its Nigeria's fault in the first place because of the way we portray ourselves in Nollywood movies but I tell you, Nollywood is very far from District 9. The light in which my country is cast in this movie is a very unforgiving light and most people may think its not that serious and people don't really pay attention to things like this, but you'd be surprised at the kind of things the human brain internalizes. There are too many misinformed people in this world and movies like District 9 compund this misinformation, people who have no idea what Ngeria is like would have an even worse idea after seeing this movie. For example that gbegborun Perez Hilton put up a post about it and said maybe the Nigerian government should focus on running their country and not bothering about movies. To correct the misinformed Mr Hilton, only the Ministry of Information is involved in the boycotting of District 9 and it is their job to preserve Nigeria's public image as that ministry is essentially Nigeria's PR agency, so dude get your facts straight before mouthing off.

In conclusion, everybody go see that movie, we need to know what we're up against in this world but i urge you, if you're not Nigerian, to regard the scenes containing Nigerians as utter fabrication. Like every other country we have our problems but we did not deserve District 9. Oh and newsflash the FBI list of top internet scam countries goes thus:
1) United States of America - 66%
2) United Kingdom - 10%
3) Nigeria - 7%

Well what do we have here, a mere 7%, whoulda thunk it? Someone needs to go tell the ad agency that handles the Sony Playstation 3 account, me thinks that ad has got to be re-written as "an American internet millionaire" non?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Wanna take a minute to let y'all now that I'm having a blast! Its been a jumpoff night after night, pictures when I get back to Nigeria. To all my darlings taking care of me (Achike, Hilda, Ediri, Biz) love you guys!

P.S. Going for a Derby match this Sunday, Man U vs Man City. I'm not a soccer fan but I'm super super excited. going to make a lot of people veeery jealous (you know yourselves). Look out for me on the North Stand, Tier 3, Row 3, Seat 90. I'm gonna be the girl in the Spitfire, taking pictures of Rooney, Scholes, Robinho, Adebayor and co and bb'ing them to my brother who's gonna be weeping with envy.

Oh yeah and if any of y'all reading this are in London, hit me up, I'm a jobless woman

Bisous xxx

Monday, August 31, 2009


Ok I know exams been over for almost a month now but I've been too busy partying, sleeping and eating (not necessarily in that order) to visit Blogville. Anyhoo, wassup people! So much has happened I don't even know where to start, most of it is not quite PG so will never make an appearance here and the rest is not just public fodder. Its times like this I regret being a non-anonymous blogger because I can't be as expressive as I want, whatever sha, I've made my four poster, I might as well lie in it.

During exams I was a total mess, not sleeping, migraines, the works. so I've been making sure I catch up with the rest of the world once I got out of that prison called Bwari and that obviously means having an uber active social life. Basically when I was younger I was super, super shy ( not the bold bitch I am now) and any contact with the opposite sex was severely limited, so i was a veeery late bloomer; in every sense of the word, then I thought life ended at 19. I now know that I'm not even close to my peak, not even by an inch, first of all I'm way hotter now than I was when I was 20 and I know I'll be hotter in my 30's and I've suddenly recovered from the disease of 'i must marry' and for the first time in my life I'm having a ball playing the field, lol (too many cliche's I know). What I'm trying to say amidst all these ramblings is, maybe my mother did jazz for me or my pheromones got heightened or I don't know what the heck happened but I've suddenly become the flavour of the month, every day! Not like I wasn't ardently pursued before but now its verging on the ridiculous, fun but slightly freaky. I guess I'll just enjoy my Adaku Revival while its still going strong before some intrepid dude comes and traps me again.

Life is too freakin fabulous! Lol, I'm sure some of y'all are thinking I'm probably slightly unbalanced now but I just can't articulate how great my life is right now here because I have to be on that privacy p from time to time. Oh yeah, almost forgot..... I have a HUGE, HUGE, FABULOUS project in the works right now. I've been tapped to be an integral part of something that gonna revolutionize the Nigerian music, fashion and lifestyle industry and I'm sooo excited about it. Can"t go into details now because it hasn't launched yet, but when it does I promise its gonna be LEGENDARY and y'all are gonna be the first to know about it.

Its a whole new 3WP phase and y"all are coming with me. I promise to be more post friendly and whatever gist can possibly make the grade will def get on here. Oh snap! Nearly forgot, last weekend was live! Haven't been out properly in Lagos in eons and I did the rounds on Friday, damn it was mad. Went to support my homie Sammie, where he was performing at Swe Bar, headed to Caliente which wasn't saying much, then.......I went to Insomnia and it just felt like I was back in the 70's partying at Studio 54 wuth Marisa Berenson, Andy Warhol and Janice Dickinson. The music was wild, the people were beautiful, the shayo was was a great night. It was like Hot Guys Inc. exploded in there, I and my friends just held our breath collectively and dived right in and I ended the night by being chased by the police, having an accident (mild one) and getting stuck in a sand bar somewhere off Lekki Epe expressway between 2nd and 3rd roundabout and having to be rescued by some very dubious looking dudes (who turned out to be our saviours).

It was good, clean, juvenile fun and I can now resume my job of being an adult and a barrister no less. First of all though, a well deserved vacay, London in 6 days time (yay!) where I'm going to be reunited with xxx. Good times, lol, a bientot xxx

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


I know y'all will be like "wtf is this heifer doing on here after claiming she wants to go and read her books?" Well its my blog and imma do what I want to, so sucks to haters! Anyhoo this is solely for the purpose of letting you guys know that Banky W aka Bankole Wellington aka Mr Capable is a boss! Damn right! I dont know if you guys have seen his note on Facebook but for those who haven't its a MUST READ. Mr Reuben Abati is the chairman of the editorial board of Guardian Newspapers and since he's such a bigz boyz, he decided to take a swipe at the Nigerian music industry and Banky put the nigger on blast! As in, he gave it to him nicely, his response is articulate, well researched, chock full of book learning and just goes to show, always get your damn facts right before you try to take someone out.

Culled from

A Nation's Identity Crisis
By Reuben Abati
You may not have noticed it: Nigeria is suffering from an identity crisis imposed on it in part by an emergent generation of irreverent and creative young Nigerians who are revising old norms and patterns. And for me nothing demonstrates this more frontally than the gradual change of the name of the country.

When Flora Shaw, Lord Lugard's consort came up with the name, Nigeria in 1914, she meant to define the new country by the strategic importance of the Niger River. And indeed, River Niger used to be as important to this country as the Nile was/is to Egypt. We grew up as school children imagining stories about how Lugard in one special romantic moment, asked his mistress to have the honour of naming a new country in Africa. Something like: "Hello, sweetheart, what name would you rather give the new country that I am creating?"

"Let me give it a thought? ....Awright, how about Ni-ge-ria darling?"
"That would do. That would do. How thoughtful, my fair lady? You are forever so dependable"
And the name stuck and it has become our history and identity. But these days, the name Nigeria is gradually being replaced by so many variants, that I am afraid a new set of Nigerians may in the immediate future not even know the correct spelling of the name of their country. For these Nigerians whose lives revolve mostly around the internet and the blogosphere, the name Nigeria has been thrown out of the window. Our dear country is now "naija" or "nija". What happened to the "-eria" that Ms Shaw must have thoughtfully included?

The new referents for Nigeria are now creeping into writings, conversations, and internet discourse. I am beaten flat by the increasing re-writing of the country's name not only as naija or nija, but consider this: "9ja". Or this other name for Nigeria: "gidi". There is even a television programme that is titled "Nigerzie". In addiiton, Etisalat, a telecom company has since adopted a marketing platform that is titled: "0809ja." Such mainstreaming of these new labels is alarming.
This obviously is the age of abbreviations.

The emerging young generation lacks the discipline or the patience to write complete sentences or think through a subject to its logical end. It is a generation in a hurry, it feels the constraints of space so much, it has to reduce everything to manageable, cryptic forms. This is what the e-mail and text message culture has done to the popular consciousness. Older generations of Nigerians brought up on a culture of correctness and compeleteness may never get used to the re-writing of Nigeria as "9ja". Language is mutatory, but referring to the motherland or the fatherland in slang terms may point to a certain meaninglessness or alienation. What's in a name?

In Africa, names are utilitarian constructs not merely labels. Even among the Ijaw where people bear such unique names as University, Conference, FEDECO, Manager, Heineken, Education, Polo, Boyloaf, Bread, College, Summit, Aeroplane, Bicycle, Internet - there is a much deeper sense to the names. But the name Nigeria means nothing to many young Nigerians. They have no reason to respect the sanctity of the name. They don't know Flora Shaw or Lord Lugard, and even if they do, they are likely to say as Ogaga Ifowodo does in an unforgettable poem: "God Punish you, Lord Lugard." Eedris Abdulakarim summarises the concern of young Nigerians in one of his songs when he declared: "Nigeria jagajaga, everything scata, scata"

The post-modernist, deconstructive temper of emergent youth culture is even more manifest in the cynical stripping to the bones character of today's Nigerian hip-hop. It is marked by a Grunge character that shouts: non-meaning and alienation. On my way to Rutam House the other day, I listened at mid-day to a continuous stream of old musical numbers from 93.7 Radio FM. Soulful, meaningful tunes of Felix Lebarty, Chris Okotie (as he then was), Mandy Ojugbana, Christy Essien-Igbokwe, Onyeka Onwenu, Sony Okosun, Alex O, Ras Kimono, Majek Fashek, Evi Edna-Ogoli, Bongos Ikwue, Veno Marioghae, Uche Ibeto, Dora Ifudu, Mike Okri, Dizzy K. Falola, and Tina Onwudiwe. Onyeka Onwenu sang; "One love, keep us together". Veno Marioghae sang: "Nigeria Go Survive". Even in the romantic offerings like Chris Okotie's "I need someone, give me your love", or Felix Lebarty's "Ifeoma, Ifeoma, I want to marry you, give me your love" and Stella Monye's "Oko mi ye, duro ti mi o", or Tina Onwudiwe's award-winning "Asiko lo laye". there was so much meaning and polish.

This was in the 80s. That generation which sang music under its real names, not abbreviations or slangs, was continuing, after the fashion of T.S. Eliot's description of "Tradition and the Individual Talent", a pattern of meaning that dates back to traditional African musicians and all the musicians that succeeded them: S. B. Bakare, Victor Olaiya, Fela Anikulapo-Kuti, Sunny Ade, Ebenezer Obey, Dan Maraya of Jos, Osita Osadebey, Ayinla Omowura, Victor Uwaifo, Geraldo Pino, Rex Lawson, I. K. Dairo, Haruna Ishola, Yusuf Olatunji, Inyang Henshaw, Tunji Oyelana, Bobby Benson, Tunde Nightingale, and even the later ones: Shina Peters, Dele Abiodun, Y.K. Ajao, Ayinde Barrister, Kollington Ayinla, Batile Alake, Sir Warrior, Moroccco Nwa Maduko, Orlando Owoh, Salawa Abeni, KWAM I (Arabambi 1 and please include his disciples- Wasiu Alabi Pasuma et al), Oliver de Coque (Importer and Exporter...), Ayefele, Atorise .... But there has been a terrible crisis in the construction of music.

The children, grandchildren and great grandchildren of these ancestors have changed the face and identity of Nigerian music. As a rule, gospel musicians, given the nature of their form, sing meaningful lyrics, but the airwaves these days have been taken over by the children of "gidi","naija", "nija", "nigerzie" and "9ja". I listen to them too, but everyday, I struggle to make meaning out of their lyrics.

Music is about sense, sound, shape and skills. But there is an on-going deficit in all other aspects except sound. So much sound is being produced in Nigeria, but there is very little sense, shape and skills. They call it hip-hop. They try to imitate Western hip pop stars. They even dress like them. The boys don't wear trousers on their waists: the new thing is called "sagging", somewhere below the waist it looks as if the trouser is about to fall off. The women are struggling to expose strategic flesh as Janet Jackson once did. The boys and the girls are cloaked in outlandish jewellery and their prime heroes are Ja-Rule, Lil'Wayne, Fat Joe, P. Diddy, 50 Cents, Ronz Brown, Chris Brown, Sean Kingston, Nas, Juelz Santana, Akon, Young Jeezy, Mike Jones, T-Pain, F.L.O-RIDA,, Beyonce, Rihanna, Ciara, Keri Hilson, Jay-Z, Ace hood, Rick Ross, Birdman, Busta Rhymes, Cassidy, Chamillionaire, Soulja Boy, Young Joc, Kanye West, R. Kelly, Kevin Rudolph, T.I.P-king of the South, Ludacris, Plies-The real goon, The Game, Young Rox, Flow killa, Osmosis (2 sick), Flow-ssik, Raprince, Bionic, Fabulous, Jadakiss, Nas, Swiss Beatz, Dj Khaled, Maze, Yung Buck, Maino, MoBB Deep, Lloyd Banks, Olivia, Lady Gaga... Well, God Almighty, we are in your hands.

And so the most impactful musicians in Nigeria today, the ones who rule the party include the following: D'Banj, MI, Mode Nine, Sauce kid, Naeto C, Sasha, Ikechukwu, 9ice, Bouqui, Mo'cheddah, Teeto, P-square, Don-jazzy, Wande Coal, 2-face, Faze, Black Face, Dr. Sid, D'prince, K-Switch, Timaya, Dj-Zeez, Dj Neptune, Banky w., Big bamo, Art quake, Bigiano, Durella, Eldee, Kelly Hansome, Lord of Ajasa, M.P., Terry tha rapman, Weird MC, Y.Q., Da grin, kel, Roof-top Mcs, Pype, Niga Raw, Ghetto p., Kaka, Kaha, Terry G, Ill Bliss, Zulezoo, Pipe, Dj Jimmy jatt, X-project, Konga, Gino, Morachi... Well, the Lord is God.

These are Nigerian children who were given proper names by their parents. Ikechukwu bears his real name. But who are these other ones who have since abandoned their proper names? For example, 9ice's real name is Abolore Akande, (what a fine name!), Tu face (Innocent Idibia), Sauce Kid (Babalola Falemi), D'Banj (Dapo Oyebanjo), Banky w. (Bankole Willington), P-Square (Peter and Paul), MI (Jude Abaga), Timaya (Enetimi Alfred Odom), Sasha (Yetunde Alabi), Weird MC (Adesola Idowu). But why such strange names? They don't sing. They rap. Most of them don't play instruments, they use synthetic piano.

At public functions, they mime. They are not artists, they perform. They are not necessarily composers, they dance. The more terrible ones can't even sing a correct musical note. They talk. And they are all businessmen and women. They are more interested in commerce and self-advertisement, name recognition, brand extension and memory recall! They want a name that sells, not some culturally conditioned name that is tied down to culture and geography. But the strange thing is that they are so successful. Nollywood has projected Nigeria, the next big revelations are in hip hop.

Despite the identity crisis and the moral turpitude that we find in Nigeria's contemporary hip-hop, the truth is that it is a brand of music that sells. Nigeria's hip hop is bringing the country so much international recognition. All those strange names are household names across the African continent, so real is this that the phrase "collabo" is now part of the vocabulary of the new art. It speaks to an extension of frontiers. In Nigeria, it is now possible to hold a party without playing a single foreign musical track, the great grand children of Nigerian music are belting out purely danceable sounds which excites the young at heart. But the output belongs majorly to the age of meaningless and prurience. The lyrics says it all.

Rooftop MC sings for example: "Ori mi wu o, e lagi mo". This is a very popular song. But all it says is: "my head is swollen, please hit it with a log of wood." X-Project sings: "Lori le o di gonbe (2x), e so fun sisi ologe ko ya faya gbe, ko ya faya gbe, file, gbabe, se be, bobo o ti e le, wo bo nse fe sa hale hale niwaju omoge, ha, lori le odi gonbe, .....sisi ologe ki lo di saya o, so fun mi ki lofe, o wa on fire o...." Now, what does this mean in real terms? But let's go to Naeto C: "kini big deal, kini big deal, sebi sebi we're on fire", or D'Banj: " my sweet potato, I wanna make you wife, I wanna make you my wife o, see I no understand o, cause I dey see well well, but dey say love is blind, see I never thought I will find someone like you that will capture my heart and there will be nothing I can do....". Yes, we are in the age of sweet potato. And so Art quake sings: "E be like fire dey burn my body, e je ki n fera, oru lo n mu mi. Open your hand like say you wan fly away. Ju pa, ju se, ka jo ma sere, alanta, alanta."

And here is Zulezoo, another popular Nigerian musical team: "Daddy o, daddy, daddy wen you go for journey, somebody enter for mummy's house, person sit down for mummy bed, person push mummy, mummy push person, mummy fall for bed yakata, daddy, o daddy, the man jus dey do kerewa kerewa...kerewa ke" And Dj-Zeez: "ori e o 4 ka sibe, ori e o 4 ka sibe, 4 ka sibe, 4 ka sibe". And MI: "Anoti, anoti, anoti ti, anoti titi." And Konga: "Baby konga so konga, di konga, ileke konga, ju pa pa, ju pa, konga, ju pa pa, ju pa, sibe".. And 9ice: "gongo a so, kutupu a wu, eni a de ee, aji se bi oyo laari; oyo o se bi baba enikan, kan, i be double now, aye n lo, a mi to o, gongo a so, oti so o, e wo le e wo enu oko..." Or Tony Tetuila: "U don hit my car, oyinbo repete, u don hit my car o". Or Weird MC: "Sola lo ni jo, lyrics lori gangan, awa lo ni jo". Sheer drivel. So much sound, little sense. Is this the future? Maybe not.

Most of the music being produced now will not be listenable in another five years and this perhaps is the certain fate of commercial art that is driven by branding, show and cash. But we should be grateful all the same for the music, coming out of Nigeria also at this time in the soul, gospel, hip, hop genre: the music that is of Femi Anikulapo-Kuti, Lagbaja, Asa (there is fire on the mountain/and no one seems to be on the run/ there is fire on the mountain now..."), Ara, Sam Okposo, Dare, Sunny Neji, Infinity (now a broken up team), African China, Alariwo of Afrika.... We suffer nonetheless in music as in the national nomenclature, an identity crisis. A country's character is indexed into its arts and culture, eternal purveyors of tones and modes. Nigerian youths now sing of broken heads, raw sex, uselessness and raw, aspirational emotionalism. A sign of the times? Yes, I guess.

I find further justification in the national anthem, many versions of which now exist. I grew up in this same country knowing only one way of singing the national anthem: from "Nigeria we hail thee" to "Arise o Compatriots". The singing of the national anthem is supposed to be a solemn moment. Arms clasped by the side, a straight posture, and the mind strictly focussed on the ideals of patriotism and nationalism. Stillness. Nobody moves. And the national song is rendered in an unchanging format. But not so any longer. There are so many versions of the Nigerian national anthem these days. Same lyrics but different musical rhythms.

I have heard the national anthem sung in juju, in fuji, in hip hop, in Ishan's igbagbolemini, in acapella mode, even reggae. I attended an ocassion once, the rendition of the national music was so enthralling, people started dancing. Even the photographers and cameramen danced with their cameras. For me that was the ultimate expression of the people's cynicism. The prevalent mood is as expressed by Dj-Zeez: "ori e 4 ka sibe, 4 ka sibe": an epigrammatic, onomatopoeic, market-driven diminution of language as vehicle and sign. What kind of people are we? A dancing nation? Dancing and writing away our frustrations and caring little about sense, in this country that is now known as "naija", "nija", "9ja", "nigerzie," "gidi"?

Banky W's response
My response to Mr Reuben Abati's article in The Guardian Newspapers
This is my response to the article entitled "A Nation's Identity Crisis" that recently ran in The Guardian Newspapers. It was written by Mr Reuben Abati, a well respected name in Nigerian Journalism.

Please try and read the original article before commenting on my response. As Mr Abati has stated his opinion, I felt it neccessary to state mine. If anything I'm sure both pieces are at least food for thought.

Dear Sir,
In the immortal words attributed to P.T. Barnum, "I don't care what the newspapers say about me, at least spell my name right." My name IS Banky W, full name being Olubankole Wellington. Not Willington, as you stated in your article entitled "A Nation's Identity Crisis". I read the piece repeatedly, and found that misspelling my name wasn’t the only error. At it's worst, the article seemed like an attempt to discredit and slander an entire generation of artistes and consumers, and at best it came across as having some valid points but being grossly misinformed, prejudiced, and hypocritical; definitely not what we would expect of a highly regarded publication as The Guardian, or from a person in Mr Abati's position.

In the very least, the article warrants a well-informed response. I have little doubt in my mind that it will generate a slew of responses, positive and negative, and as one of the many subjects that was mentioned in the write-up, I feel compelled to voice my opinion (with all due respect) on some of the issues that were raised in your piece. What I'm going to attempt to do is to directly address issues that stood out and resonated most with me. The writer asked "What's in a name?" and went on to honor a "...generation which sang music under its real names, not abbreviations or slangs"; this would have been a valid point if he had not himself mentioned Greats like King Sunny Ade (real name: Sunday Adeniyi), I.K. Dairo (Isaiah Kehinde Dairo), and Ebenezer Obey (Real name: Ebenezer Remilekun Aremu Olasupo Fabiyi- Wow!!!). We could also point out other legends like Ras Kimono and Majek Fashek as others who, for creative or other reasons, saw it fit to have stage names that happen to differ from what's on their passports.

Shortening of full names and/or the crafting of stage names is not something new from our generation of artistes that "lack the discipline or the patience to write complete sentences" as you said; rather, it's the creative right of an artiste to go by whatever moniker he sees fit. And if we want to talk about the names of today, we can highlight a few: Eldee - actually L.D. which stands for Lanre Dabiri, similar to Isaiah Kehinde Dairo's transition to I.K. Dairo. Naeto C and Banky W are simply short forms of their full names. In my case, my father's nickname among his friends is actually Banky as well. Furthermore, on the topic of Names and abbreviations let's set a few things straight. Nigerzie is actually spelt Nigezie and is not an abbreviation for Nigeria. It's a TV Show, much like Soundcity or Hip TV, except they choose to incorporate "representing Nigeria" in their name. It's like the "United Colors of Bennetton", or DKNY, both companies that choose to represent their locations or origins in their name. Also, for the record, Gidi doesn't mean Nigeria either. It's a term for Lagos... coined from "Las Gidi". And as far as the popular term "Naija" goes, who remembers Shina Peters singing "♫ Naija lo wa yi o o o, wa jo, afro juju lo gb'ode ♫" I hate to point out that our generation did not come up with that term... the "golden age" that you long for did.

As an editorial head of a National Newspaper, you owe it to your public to at least do proper and accurate research before printing an article. The risk in not doing so, is you might unknowingly mislead your readers, and you might actually come across as being ignorant or out of touch. A quick look at all the reference names of artistes and songs mentioned in the article goes to show that the author was sadly way off base in his accusations and examples. For instance, to make a point on how today’s Nigerian artistes lyrics are meaningless and prurient, he referenced the Rooftop MC's song "La Gi Mo". What he failed to realize or crosscheck, is that the said song is probably one of the most meaningful and important songs that have been released in the last few years on the Nigerian Music Scene.

The Rooftop MC's are actually a Rap Group that leans to the Gospel or at least Socially Conscious side of music, and their songs always have a positive message. That song itself talks about the errors we make by trying to take God's glory for our success... getting caught up in the limelight and asking God to bring you back to reality to know that HE deserves the praise for where you are. The author mentioned other songs like D'banj's "Fall in Love", and doesn't realize how hypocritical he sounds by attempting to ridicule some of our most popular love songs. Felix Liberty sang "Ifeoma, ifeoma, I want to marry you", D'banj sang "Omo U don make me fall in love" and Banky W sang "Till my dying day, I'll love you". Barring a difference in musical styling, are these songs not cut from the same cloth?

Why can't someone in Mr Abati's position be proud of the fact that at Nigerian and African Weddings nowadays, couples are choosing these songs to mark their first dances instead of previous choices like “Endless Love”? Why can't we appreciate that the days of going to Nigerian Parties and clubs and celebrating to foreign music “all night long” are long gone? Despite these facts, you still see International festivals and concerts being held in Nigeria where the foreign acts are paid 30 to 40 times what some of our biggest stars are allowed to charge. I have to disagree with the author's views.

We are not all one and the same, but we ARE artistes. We may sing, rap, dance, mime, perform, play instruments or whatever else; but we are artistes. And Composers. And musicians.
We may not all play the piano or the guitar, but neither does Michael Jackson, arguably the world's greatest artiste/entertainer. That's why he teamed up with producer Quincy Jones to create some of the best music anyone had ever heard.

We have our own producers that have shaped Nigerian sound...people like Cobhams Asuquo, Don Jazzy, I.D. Cabasa, Dr Frabz, Tee-Y mix, Eldee, Terry G etc. That list goes on. These music minds are no less credible than those of Mr Abati's time, like the great Laolu Akins. Far be it from us to claim that we are perfect and flawless in our art... we know that we are still growing and have lots of areas to improve, but the truth of the matter is we have worked very hard to create the industry we have now, and some people choose to criticize and lambaste most of us, instead of helping and teaching us.

That is unfair. Yes, some artistes sag their jeans... however, a glance at the pages of THISDAY style or the recently concluded awards shows will show you very clearly that others wear three-piece suits and traditional attires just as proudly, myself included. This music industry that you have very clearly disapproved of has partnered with and given rise to the fashion industry in Nigeria as well. Just ask Designers like Mai, Babs Familusi (Exclamations Couture), the Okunorens, Muyiwa Osindero and countless others. Everything from the t-shirts and jeans rappers wear, to the shoes and suits are made by young Nigerians, where in previous years people preferred to shop in London.

The youth-driven industries in Entertainment and Fashion have teamed up to thrust Nigeria into the world's positive spotlight, when for many years our dear country was mostly known for corruption, lack of infrastructure, and security issues. Our country has not yet given us steady electricity, adequate education, safety from armed robbers or standard healthcare, yet artistes have risen like the Roses that grow from Concrete... and these very artistes love and represent their country proudly on a global stage.

This music industry has given hope, jobs and income to countless youth of today. We are Rappers, Singers, Producers, Sound Engineers, Managers, Promoters, Marketing Consultants, Record Label Owners and we will not apologize for making the best of our circumstances; and all this in spite of the fact that we have Marketers that exploit but refuse to pay for our Musical pieces, Royalties and Publishing income that hitherto has been non-existent, a Government that is just now very slowly starting to enforce anti-piracy laws, and Event Organizers that would rather pay 50 Cent One Million US Dollars than give D'banj or P-Square 5 Million Naira.

You were right on some counts. We ARE businessmen and women, and we ARE interested in extending name recognition and brand extension. You were also right in that we look up to people like Jay-Z, who took their music and created multimillion-dollar empires. Since when did ambition and desire to succeed against all odds count against a person’s moral character? Shouldn’t we be encouraged to pay more attention to the business side of “Show Business”?

Shouldn’t we want this music industry to provide for our future and the futures of our children? We know we have a moral responsibility when it comes to our Creative works. Some of us pay more attention to it than others, and there is lots of ground to cover up. But how about a little appreciation and help, instead of trying to tear us down and discredit us? Time will tell whose music will last and become evergreen, but it is not in anyone's place to judge; and for the record, can we just accept that fact that hip hop music is an artform that is probably here to stay... I mean for goodness sake the Grammy's has!! Instead of fighting the change, we should learn to embrace it. I thank God for people like the great Adewale Ayuba that have reached across to our generation to collaborate with, bridge the gap, and help us improve.

We want to learn but your generation has to teach. We want to read but the Government must provide libraries. We want to go to school but the lecturers keep going on strike. We want to travel but previous generations messed up so they won’t give out visas. Most of prefer having our own live bands but the income needed to support that is not forthcoming.

You speak of meaninglessness and prurience, identity crisis and moral turpitude. You praise Legends like Fela Anikulakpo-Kuti and you ridicule us. 9ice does not drink or smoke. eLDee is married to one wife. Olu Maintain does not drink. Naeto C is currently obtaining his Masters’ degree in England. The ironic thing is, we look up to and praise your generation too.

You seem to forget that Baba Fela had 27 wives, smoked marijuana in public, was himself half naked at shows (as well as the women around him) and allegedly died of HIV. However we look past what some may consider shortcomings and respect and emulate the immense contributions he made to our history. We are in awe of him despite personal choices that some may or may not agree with. All we are asking for is to be appreciated and afforded similar tolerances.

You danced to Shina Peters. Let us dance to our music. And for the record: for every "Anoti" by MI, he has a "Crowd Mentality" or a "Talk about it". For a Naeto C's "Ki Ni Big Deal", he has a "The Devil is a Liar". Just because an artiste uses a particular song to promote his album for commercial reasons, doesn't mean they should be judged on that alone. Anyone that is familiar with the cost of promoting an album (videos, press, etc) would know that it you end up making hard decisions in terms of what you have to push and promote, for your best chance at success.

I suggest that you buy whole albums and look at the body of work. Listen to the entire CD’s. I think you'll find that more often than not, Nigerian artistes are doing a pretty good job of representing this great Country of Nigeria. Naija Till We Die. Yes Boss.
~ Banky W.

Friday, June 19, 2009


Life is goddamn stressful, between school, work, dating and trying to have a modicum of a social life, I think I'm finally burnt out. My Bar finals are in 7 weeks and babes has got to bend down low or wahala go dey. 3rd World P is taking a lil' break from blogging at least until after August 13th which is the last day of my exams, I'm probably still gonna keep up with my favourite blogs but as for regular posting that has to take a back seat for a while.

Oh yeah before i forget I have to post this hilarious convo I had with some guy recently. You see when you've been in a relationship for a long time you forget how hazardous it is out there. Don't get me wrong I'm actually loving being single at the mo, but I've encountered some characters that would never have crossed my radar if I had my usual man protection. So on one of my round of dates, casual meets, group do's etc, I met this guy lets call him Crazy Ass Mutha or C.A.M for short and he's a 4 year Britigerian [meaning he's been back to Nigeria for 4 years]. Now I have nothing against Britigerians or Yankeegerians, some of my best friends are, but some of them can be downright piss takers. Its okay if you still wanna talk like you're about to catch a train at Kings Cross or something, even though you moved back years ago but stop pretending to be totally clueless about Nigeria. Whats so annoying is some of these people were probably living in Aba or something before they found their way into jand or yankee but still dem go pose like the 4 or 5 years they spent out of the country was more like 20.

Anyhoo back to 3WP and CAM, we have a couple of mutual friends so we all went to Orchid Bistro for lunch one Sunday and I found myself having an unwanted aside with CAM, the trigger being my tattoo which I'm already used to as a conversation opener.

CAM - [grabbing my wrist] "nice tat babe"
3WP - "thanks"
CAM - "so where's your man at"
3WP - "don't have one"
CAM - "whats a full gash like you doing without a man?"
3WP - [eyebrow shoots into my hairline, this guy should be about 30, and he's talking like someone doing Foundation still] "what?"
CAM - "you're not rago blad, you're a proper gash, so who's doing the brapping"
3WP - [at this point I had to drop my drink, this convo deserved my full attention, I mean what the hell was this nigger saying] "seriously dude, can you talk properly"
CAM - "you dont understand guys babes?"
3WP - "i understand you perfectly I'm just wondering why you choose to sound so retarded"
CAM - "this is how guys have always talked, guys are on a different P from these Nigerian fools and I'm sure babes are feeling guys perfectly, East London brap!"

I swear I nearly lost it at this point, as in tears were coming outta my eyes I was laughing so hard. When I'm with friends that maybe just graduated and just moved back and are still at that age when they can make fools of themselves, its all good, we do the whole guys, babes thing and its cool. But this guy [if i said his name on here, all y'all will prolly know him, he's a proper silver spoon, blue blood, Lagos socialite kid] is the head of a company, granted his dad's own but he had to make deals all day and stuff and command respect plus he's been back in Naij for FOUR YEARS and he spent maybe like 4 years in jand and he constantly speaks that way. It wasn't just that time we hung out but I've heard that crap lingo from him countless times and its just so hilarious. To make matters worse he's decided he was put on earth to complete my life and no amount of dissuading, ignoring calls and bbm's has convinced him otherwise. I hope he reads this and gets the message LEAVE ME ALONE, BABES ISN'T FEELING GUYS!!! lwkm!!!

So anyhoo, my guys and babes of Blogville, its adios till August or maybe till July because I'm thinking of throwing a dinner or something on my birthday [which is July 7th btw] and I may wanna post pics from that. Everybody abeg pray to whatever you believe in o, so I can change my blog name to Barrister Third World Profashional by November, seriously though I'm gonna need everyone's prayers as i finally take on the mighty Council Of Legal Education. By this time in August I'll be a free betch, and I'll never ever go to school again, as in I don tire, babes has been going to school and taking exams all her life [shit! I'm doing it, lol]. Okay people, peace, mwah xxx.

P.S. I think I've met a potential, a definite special someone, its early days yet and I'm supposed to be taking a 1 year break from all things relationship related but it looks promising. Fingers crossed!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Instant Messaging Nig Style

I'm pretty sure by now most of y'all have seen the note making its rounds on facebook about Naija IM's. But for those who haven't, I just had to put it on here. No more lol and rotflmao, now its lwkm and ndu and ltg! Enjoy!

1. LWKM - Laugh wan kill me

2. LWKMD - Laugh wan kill me die

3. MIDG - make i dey go

4. WGYL - we go yarn later

5. IGA - I gbadun am

6. ICS - I can't shout

7. DJM - Don't jealous me

8. WBDM - Who born d maga

9. UDC - U de craze

10. NUS - Na u sabi

11. WSU - who send u

12. OSABZ - over sabi

13. ITK - I too know

14. WDH - wetin dey happen

15. NDH - nutin dey happen

16. FMJ - free me jo

17. BBP - bad bele people

18. HUD - how u dey

19. WKP - waka pass

20. BBG - baby girl

21. KKL - Kokolette

22. MML - mamalette

23 GFF- Gbono fe le fe le (e.g., she GFF)

24. NTT - Na true talk

25. IKU - It koncain u?

26. NDM - no dull me

27. LGT - let's goo there

28. IFSA - I for slap am

29. IGDO - I go die o

30. YB - Yess boss

31. NLT - No long thing

32. 2GB - 2 gbaski (e.g., the song 2GB!)

33. CWJ - carry waka jorh

34. WBYO - wetin be your own

35. U2D - U 2 do

36. U2DV - U 2 dey vex

37. MKG - maka gini?

38. WSDP - who send dem papa

39. INS - i no send

40. INFS - i no fit shout

41. WWY - who wan yarn

42. NBST - no be small thing

43. NWO - na wah oooooo

44. NMA - no mind am

45. MIHW - make i hear word

46. NBL - no be lie

47. NB? - na beans?

48 wd - wetin dey

49. UNGKM - u no go kill me

50. o2s - omo 2 sexy

Friday, May 29, 2009


Photo by Jide Alakija

Poetry For Charity is a project spearheaded by young Nigerian modern poet Chiedu Ifeozo, he's a published writer with an anthology that can be purchased online from, "Thoughts on a page, a collection of poetry" and he has recently delved into the realm of charity work.

PFC is a monumental effort put together by Chiedu, where he brings writers from around the world to contribute to an anthology and the proceeds go to charity. Poetry for Charity Vol 1 was published last year and the most recent collection, Vol 2 is now available. The project is supported by 3 major Nigerian charities:
1)Little Saint's Orphanage
2)Stepping Stones Nigeria
3)Crystal Vision

I'm sure y'all know 3rd World P don't pimp for nothing, check out #25 in the table of contents to read my poem "Sanguinity" and those of you with perfect eyesight or strongly recommended glasses should be able to spot my triple decker name on the photo above.

You can now purchase a paperback version or download an Ebook version of Poetry for Charity Volume 2, from this link.

If you live in Nigeria, Volume one, is available from 17 Gerrard road,Ikoyi.

p.s. i'm sure y'all might be wondering why I didn't provide a link to the site, its because *I don't know how to*!!!! There I said it, I'm nearly illiterate when it comes to these things. I even googled it and tried to read up on how to add a link to a blog post, but it still didn't make sense. Please if you can, give a sister some help, aight?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Une Ode A Moi-Meme

I love myself
Glorious, powerful, sexual
I love the arch of my feet
I love the length of my legs
My endless, endless legs
I love the feel of my thighs
Soft, smooth, erotic
I love the curve of my hips
My strong beautiful hips
Filled out for the perfect pair of hands
I love the rise of my breasts
Perky, perfect
I love my body
Perfectly proportioned
I love myself
Beautiful, beautiful Adaku

Friday, May 8, 2009


I'm soo pissed, yesterday I typed an ab fab post [if I do say so myself] and after all the wahala and slow internet and uploading pictures, I clicked on 'publish post' and the damn Starcomms decided to go off at that point, so obviously connection was lost. Still thinking I was dealing with sane people and blogger would have automatically saved the unpublished post, I went to drafts and there was NADA, ZILCH!! I could have shit a brick! I was so mad! So this is gonna be rather rag-tag, because I cant be bothered to type everything I put in yesterday, it was a masterpiece *sob*.

Finished court attachment today, YAAY! No more Federal High Court, Ikoyi, not like it was such a bad experience but I have permanent Louis Vuitton luggage under my eyes as a result of waking up at 5am everyday to begin the slog to the island and as the group leader [yezzir], 3rd World P had to be there first, as in I was practically unlocking Courtroom 2 and who says lightning doesnt strike twice? I was already cool with the idea of being GL for court attachment, then the lists for Law Firm attachment are released and guess who is once again wearing the f*****g crown? Me, me, me, me! You coulda knocked me over with a damn feather. The deal is its the worst job being GL because you cant miss a single day, you cant say, pop off to the Galleria for a quick movie on your lunch break or while away time ogling clothes at the Deola Sagoe showroom. Nah blad, you have to be around, every hour on the hour being a general dogsbody while the members of your group swan back into the office or courtroom after seeing Wolverine and buying Ostrich leather Deola Sagoe belts!!!! No beef, I'm just saying. Anyhoo on a general note, it was sorta fun and I met a lot of cool, funny people, emphasis on the funny [you know yourself], making me crack up while I'm sitting right in front of the Judge and there's a drug trafficker in the dock.

The Federal High Court of Nigeria, holden at Lagos

It doesnt show up too good in this picture but I tried out Kemberleys concealer trick for eyebrows this morning and I just have to say, give the babe lighter! It was like magic, it looked seriously groomed, even though I've been giving Ugly Betty a run for her money for a bit. I endorse!

Oh yeah and the best thing about the hellish drive from Ikeja to Ikoyi everyday? Manny!!! EWELE!! He's the new Cool FM presenter that took over from Dan Foster and he's the absolute highest! He's my new fave person!
*An Aside* My gbegborun friend Henri aka 'Christiana Amanpour' dropped one gbosa that Dan Foster's been deported from Nig back to the US [ironic I know, deported to yankee] Anyhoo as the gist goes, y'all know he left the cool station and set up shop on his own with Inspiration FM, so supposedly the Cool FM bosses were sorta peeved and shopped him to Immigration that the dude didnt have complete papers. So not cool[pun intended], if anyone knows wassup, get back to me aight?

Shout outs to my Queen Bitch cuz Udoka who abandoned us in the Association of Single Bigz Girlz and got married a coupla weeks ago; and

Mr and Mrs Nonso Nwizu

My baybee Mielle, one of my PIC's and a founding member of Ladies Confidential [more of that in the future] who turned the big 25 this week. Happy birthday boo, lor you!

Nneks! Nneks! Neks!

'now owu no dey blow me, I'm fully signed to Mo'hits'..... If you dont know who that is,m you're a dullin sturvs of the highest order.
Whats my name - W Cizzy!!!
Whats the producers name - Na Don Jazzy!!
Which label - Mo'hits, you already know this/ you already know this/ say we no be novice.......
I could go on and on, seriously go cop that 'From Mushin 2 Mo'hits' by Wande Coal, maddest Nig album ever, too frickin messy!!

Spotted uber photographer/songwriter/singer and all round Naija celebrity T.Y.Bello and she's so shy, which is weird considering her line of work. And yes, Eremz, that is her real hair.

Finally saw the kain Wolverine this week and all I can say is Ryan Reynolds should be brought before Amadioha in Arochukwu for murdering my beloved language like that, he shoulda at least made an effort, Ibo is not that hard, there are even tapes and stuff you can use to learn it and get the intonation right. Even their translations were effed and the image of Lagos, looked more like New Delhi to me. All in all I loved Wolvie, Hugh Jackman is a totty to the power of 10! As in that guy had muscles where I didnt know you could get muscles, HOTT!! is not the word, SMOKING!! is still not the word, there isnt a word to describe him. Seriously guys take note, all y'all want your girls to look like supermodels, you better go and ask Hugh Jackman what protein shake he's been taking and order yourself some.

P Dizzy, with an Ibo language tape we saw at a mall in Dubai, thought it was hella funny. There was even a Yoruba one

As usual the great Federal Republic of Nigeria continued to show us that we're a third world country, no matter what. Theres been scarcity of petrol for almost a month now, in a country thats the 6th largest exporter of petroleum products! Its like the Middle East having scarcity of sand or something, its so ridiculous. I've had to learn how to hustle with the best of them and line up for fuel and thank Jehovah that I'm not ugly because I've turned into a champion flirter these few weeks, chatting up a storm with pump attendants and shining my 32 in filling stations across Lagos just to get ahead of the queues. *hiss* I tire jare.

Conoil Station, Lagos-Ibadan expressway , took this on my way to court this morning, lucky I didnt get killed cos I was driving.

I'm out baybeez! p.s. if anyone mentions Man U, Arsenal, Chelsea or Barcelona near me again, you're guaranteed a foot up your a**. Believe that!

Saturday, April 18, 2009


I want to kill myself but I don’t know how
The end holds no fear for me; it’s the process that I’m a tad apprehensive towards
Shall it be by the blade, the bullet or deadly poison?
Limitless choices are spread out before me
I could run in front of a vehicle
Fling myself into murderous waters
Ensure I’m in the path of some deadly animal
O, the joy of ending my life on my own terms
I hold the knife, running a finger over its sharpness
Maybe this isn’t the one for me
I grip the pistol, stroking the nozzle like a lover
No, I don’t think this is it either
I hold the sachet of fatal powder
Hmmn, maybe a more physical death will do it for me
I leap up, race outside and prepare to fling myself before the appropriate vehicle
But I can’t seem to decide which one would have the honour of conveying me to the afterlife
I dash to the banks of a deadly current, tensing my muscles in anticipation of plunging into its icy depths
But I’m not entirely sure I want to get wet
There is no other recourse but to be mauled by a vicious beast
But isn’t it just my luck, none seem to be out today.
I guess I won’t kill myself after all
I never knew how arduous it was
All these means to mortality
I think I’ll wait till the Lord takes me
I’d love to observe His technique
Maybe I could learn a thing or two.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


First of all, TEMITE! TEMITE! TEMITE! How many times did I call you? How dare you close your blog and not invite me. No vex me o, better make amends sharp, sharp.

And who on earth is RocNaija and how long was I away for that he got so huge so fast? I'm intrigued...

Saturday, April 11, 2009


It was a banging week! That's all I can say, absolutely banging! I took so many photos, I dont even know which to put up here, they'll probably all end up on fb or something. I planned everyday to go blog, but I was always so busy, the shopping is amaaayyyzing!!! Its like the US and jand put together, like they've got all the high street shops: New look, Topshop and River Island dem and awon Forever 21, H&M, Zara, Nine West, Aldo...The guys, not so great, all they have is bucket loads of Arab money, but not much in the looks department. Oh, except the guys that live in Jumeira, HOTT!!! Thats like the bougie area, where the ruler of Dubai lives and everything, the guys there are on a kentro.

And the cars!! Triple damn! First of all they're nearly all white, my friend Amaka was like even cars she didnt know came in white she saw them this week. Then every night at the Mall of the Emirates is like a goddamn car show, too messy! It has to be seen to be believed. And this hotel, The Atlantis, messiest hotel I've ever seen, has underwater rooms!

All in all, I'm impressed, its a great vacation spot, fabulous shopping, cool people, lots to do and ogle at, fantastic eating[TGI Fridays, Applebees, Chilli's, Krispy Kreme, Haagen Dazs cafe, Baskin Robbibs, Wagamama e.t.c.], seriously there isn't much need to go to yankee or jand anymore, everything there is in Dubai. Plenty time to recharge my batteries and face my court attachments head on. Thanks to everyone who missed me and wondered aloud where I had got to and commented on my last post, bisous xxx.

TALLEST FREAKIN BUILDING IN THE WORLD [peep how its higher than the clouds]

AT CHI @ THE LODGE [2face performed here on April 4th]



BEDOUIN CAMPSITE. les poussins et henne




Saturday, April 4, 2009


You know that episode in Gossip Girls where Dan had to write a story for the author he was interning with and the only thing he could write about was he and Serena's relationship? His dad asked him why he couldn't write anything else and he said because that was his story and that was all that came to mind when he put his pen to paper. Thats kinda like whats been going on with me, I actually haven't looked at my blog since the last post I put up but whenever I thought about blogging all i could think about were my personal problems.

You cling to the vestiges of a past life even when you know its dead and you drag its empty carcass around with you and then suddenly something happens to finally drive it home that its over and done with, can never be resurrected and you must move on with your life as fabulously as you can. For me that day was today and since I'm finally free of my demon I can write its obituary without feeling like I'm writing in my own blood.

Love doesn't conquer all. Tolerance, trust, faith, understanding, truthfulness and the ability to close your eyes are what make for a long and happy relationship and if you dont have that and you're madly in love and lust, you'll have fun yeah, and you can actually have fun for a long time, say 2 years but then after a while you admit to yourself that fun isn't enough.

So here's to April 4th 2009, 4.50pm for freeing me and allowing me to write again, to feel again, to laugh again and to love again, sometime, hopefully. And I'm getting on in a gbogbos bigz girlz steez, off to Dubai tomorrow for some retail therapy and Middle Eastern totty. Ediri, Erenma, lets go there!!!!

Monday, February 16, 2009


Lost my shisha virginity last week and believe me it wasn't all its cracked up to be. I felt like I was just inhaling very unaddictive, scented second hand smoke.

On the side, A 13YR OLD DAD!! I'm sure to some people this must be commonplace but I was totally blown away, especially because he looks way younger than his age and his baby mama is 15 but looks 18. I swear I wan laugh die when I saw this picture, I was like this babe sef, weren't there any other guys she knew that she had to go do the dirty with someone who looks like her kid brother. Too freakin hilarious.


first puff, thinking i was going to get high immediately [shows what a ju-chick i am]

laughing like a hyena because i felt so stupid

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Before anything else, I have to get this rant out of the way, Chris Brown, Rihanna? WTF! How could he do that? Am I the only person who thinks that there's something seriously loco going down because the reports are too bizarre. I first heard about it Sunday night watching the Grammy's Live From The Red Carpet on E, when Ryan Seacrest confirmed that they would both not be attending because Chris Brown had assaulted an unknown female even though they were slated to perform. Then I was just like "see this irresponsible kids o, get a little bit of fame and you think you can blow off things like the freakin Grammys". Fast forward to Monday morning and I get an alert from TMZ [I subscribe, its shameful, I know] and I'm just like sheeyiit! Rihanna was the unknown female? I hit the google circuit and all these reports were just coming in fast and furious, to say I am flabbergasted would be an understatement. It reminded me of a convo I had with my cousin, Chidi a few months back, about the both of them and how Breezy was soo cute and soo cool and such a sweet guy and that Rihanna would be the one to eff with him [you know these island chicks]. A couple of months after this the *Kanye scandal hit and it just confirmed everyrhing I said that day, but this totally blows it outta the water like OMG!

*this was when there were reports that Miss Barbados shagged Kanye and gave Chris Brown herpes.

The gist [from the ever reliable TMZ] is that shortly after they left Clive Davis' pre Grammy party Breezy got an sms from a woman who wrote about hooking up later and that's what started the confrontation. He apparently pulled over and hit her so badly with his fists that she could barely open her eyes, she had a fat lip, swollen mouth, her nose was bloodied and there were contusions on her forehead and both sides of her face and also BITE MARKS [seriously!] on her arm and several fingers!!! She wasn't even the one that called 911, people heard her screaming and called the police and by then, Chris Brown had taken off to turn himself in. I need to digress a little, EFFING TURN HIMSELF IN! Like, he left a woman all battered and bruised in his car and went to turn himself in, like what good is that gonna do? Anyhoo the police took pictures of Rihanna at the scene and took her to the hospital, they then impounded his car, a rented Lamborghini. He was booked on a charge of felony criminal threats with the possibility of further charges e.g. domestic abuse being filed against him, he was released on $50,000 bail on Monday.

The repercussions have been outstanding:
1) He was set to host 2 parties in Arizona this weekend for the NBA All-Star festivities and he's just been officially replaced with Nelly.

2)His "Got Milk" campaign just got shelved, with this statement fom the campaign people. "The Milk Moustache campaign is taking the allegations agains Chris Brown very seriously. We are very proud and protective of the image of the Milk Moustache campaign and the responsible message it sends to teens. Mr. Brown's ad was launched last fall and is scheduled to end this week"

3)Wrigley annouced today that they were suspending their ad campaign for Doublemint gum featuring Breezy, they said in a statement. "We have made the decision to suspend the current advertising featuring Brown and any related marketing communications until after the matter is resolved"

I don't think I've seen this kind of backlash against a star since the Kate Moss debacle 2 years ago and that was just her harming herself. Here we have a young superstar beating on a female and not just any female but Rihanna. He's career is so effed, like if he can recover from this I'll truly believe that anything is possible, even though we live in an age of miracles right now [Barack Obama anyone?]

Saturday, February 7, 2009


I was five when I had my first kiss, his name was Olumide and he lived in the house next to mine. I remember we were playing hide and go seek, I was hiding he was seeking and he found me. I can see myself clearly, standing there in my ripped shorts and my Care Bears vest top bartering shamelessly, promising anything if he would go away quietly without letting on that he had found me. The future criminal then boldly said he would do it for a kiss, no big deal I thought then kissed him on the cheek, “no” said the 6year old cad,” like French people do”. I was understandably confused, I had no idea how French people kissed, I had never even met any and thinking they had to be a civilized group I acquiesced and before I knew it, his mouth was clamped on mine like a vacuum and we were swapping spit, literally.

I had never been so disgusted in all my short life and this incident was so monumental that I remember absolutely nothing before it. It was like I was born just a few minutes before THE KISS because that was my earliest memory.

Most people usually remember their mother’s faces bending over them in their cribs or their first day at school, in short most people’s memories are usually up and running before they’re 5 except me, mine happens to be an extremely gruesome kiss with a boy I haven’t seen since. Luckily he didn’t ruin my subsequent experiences
and I got through adolescence with the least amount of harm.

What are your earliest memories? Oh yeah and of first kisses too!

Monday, February 2, 2009


Zee weekend was a blur of champagne, private jets, Monaco, yachts, Russian billionaires and Argentinian polo players. I've been existing in a fugue state of mind, as a result of too much Caviar and Cristal and dancing at Anabel's with princes. My Stuart Weitzman's hurt and my Chopard headband is probably drifting along the Seine now as a result of a crazy scavenger hunt with Charlotte Casirsghi and Tatiana Santo Domingo.... I So Freakin Wish!!!!!!

The weekend was dry, dry, dry! Apart from a night out at Quorum and Tuccano with my partner's in crime [Ediri, Erenma, Adanna & Anwuli] nada happened, zilch! I've spent the last 2 weekend's in school and was chafing at the bit to go to Abuja and see what's happening, but I swear tumbleweed was blowing along Aminu Kano, it was that boring. Next weekend I'll respect my old age and sit my firm, toned tush in Bwari, no more town forays for me.

P.S. the rumour going round town that the waitresses at PLAY on Adetokunbo Ademola now serve in lingerie in addition to serving a little something on the side? BIG FAT IRO! Na lie! Spoke to Elvis Okpaleke, who runs said bar and he said that nothing of the sort is going down, apparently there's going to be a lingerie fashion show at PLAY in a couple of weeks and there was just a little awareness to whip up interest in the show and it happened only ONCE. Plus the girls in their unmentionables were professional models not the waitresses, so all y'all that have been saving your lap dance money and not sending your girlfriend's top up, better hightail it to the nearest MTN umbrella and spend that cheese.

In other 'covered up news', just saw the pics for "Barbie: Fashion Through The Ages", actually I've had them for a couple of weeks but have been too busy to blog, still on that Law School ish, you know. Anyhoo being the big baby I am [still have all my Barbies from when I was a kid] I practically puked when I saw the photos, combinig my two loves: dolls and high end designer clothing, although I can afford only one of the two. I looove these pictures and have spent many a happy hour just gazing at them, for all you old people like me with 10 yr olds inside trying to get out, enjoy!

Classic Burberry, the scarf, the trench... very reminiscent of Mary Quant, Biba and London 60's cool.

Bob Mackie is THE go to guy for fabulous Hollywood glamour. Anybody remember Cher's gowns from the 80's, especially the Zulu princess/stripper outfit she had on when she won the Oscar for Moonstruck in 1987? Forget Elie Saab, forget Marchesa [as fabulous as they are], Bob Mackie is THE MAN!

My 'Queen' Beyonce Knowles, wore this dress and its totally one of my favourite red carpet looks on her. Tres fabuleux!

Not too wild about this dress, looks like a regular wedding dress from Kleinfeld's to me, but I'm a really big Herrera fan [her wedding dress in SATC the movie is to die for!] and I especially love looking at old pictures of her from the 70's, when she was a Manhattan socialite painting the town red with Diane Von Furstenberg, who knew they would go from sipping Mojito's at Studio 51 and hanging out at Andy Warhol's loft, to fasion royalty.

Not a huge fan of this look or of Cynthia Rowley even, but she has a surprisingly huge fan base, so protocol demands she get her 2 cents as well as everyone else. Plus once in a line she deviates from her WASPiness and creates something really cool, maybe its her stint as a judge on Design Star thats opening her up to new possibilities., Who knows?

Forgive me for fashion ignorance, but I never knew Ferrari had a fashion line. I know about Cristina Ferrari, but she doesnt seem to be affiliated with this project so I dont think its one and the same. I need info!

Aah Judith of the gloriously sinful purses, hits it outta the park with this achingly beautiful dress. it looks like its been spun from gold thread and its such a perfect Barbie dress. I WANT this dress so badly, its definitely one of my top 3 outta all the dresses

I flat out don't like this dress, I'd never wear it, nuff said. But this 79 year old former NY socialite is doing pretty well and her limited edition toys also include a Monopoly set.

Don't think this is one of Messrs Mark Badgely and James Mischka's better efforts, the dress certainly could have done without the enormous SJP style corsage on the front. But they're allowed to make mistakes when they're so fabulous all the time, non?

Hmnnn, a little too 2005 for me

The Queen of Pretty, sticks to her signature look, but whams it up with that gorgeous brown sash. Won't mind this at all on my Big Day.

I still havent recovered from Posen's bridesmaid dresses from SATC the movie and he comes and hits us with this again. The volume! The pleats! The colour! I Love!
p.s. also peep Zac as Ken, too keeyoot!

Makeup Art Cosmetics shows us the meaning of diversification. Why stick to boring old foundations and lipglass, when you can do Barbie!

photo credits:

P.S. check out for her Women Worth Knowing post featuring Blondie Okpuzor, definitely worth reading.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


I've wanted to blog about this for a while now, because even before I joined blogger I'd always had blogs that I checked out almost every day, maybe to see what they were wearing or to hear the latest installment in the drama that is some people's lives. Lemme digress a bit, but don't you think some people's lives are just larger than life, like I hear the stuff that happens to regular people every day and its just like an episode of Desperate Housewives.

Anyway from the blogs I'm following list, its pretty obvious what my favourite blogs are but I still wanna talk out by them anyway. Its my bloggie and I'll do what I want to.......

In alphabetical order, so you can't tell which one I like best:

This was the first blog I ever read, I think it was about 3 years ago and I LOVED it! Its written by 3 designers living in New York and Washington DC and is basically about their lives and their fashion label, Cranberry. I heard about the designer's through a friend of mine that went to Howard but I can't remember how I heard about their blog. Their posting is a little irregular but its great fun, fabulous clothes and very funny opinions.

This is basically a street style blog and the blogger describes himself as "a man out and about in London and beyond: eye candy for the style hungry". That alone says it all, this guy trawls the globe photographing the most avant-garde dressing I've ever seen. Some of the people look downright insane, but a lot of the photos have given me great fashion ideas, its one of the blogs I go to daily to see what people are wearing in Stockholm, Barcelona, Paris, Moscow, London, New York e.t.c. this guy goes everywhere!

I would describe this blogger's style as Miami indie retro and seriously cool. She has an amazing shoe collection and some of the best vintage looks in my opinion, plus she we share an abiding love of Sex and the City and everything concerning it. Definitely a great one, I endorse!

A lot of people may not know this but I LOVE the Olsen twins style., I wouldn't always wear everything they wear but it makes for good entertainment sometimes. So when I found a blog entirely devoted to them and their activities, I was ecstatic! It basically chronicles their everyday lives, their daily fashions, parties they attend, projects their interested in. I really can't fathom how this person gets all that info, but I suspect its probably written by someone in the twins vast publicity machine though the blogger describes herself as Tinsley: the girl in the wayfarers with the French Vogue.

This is so in the running for my all time favourite, written by my dear friend Uzo from Maryland who doesn't dwell on the unimportant stuff like I do sometimes but just indulges in her love for fashion daily. Its also one of my favourite because we have very similar tastes so I can envision myself in every single thing she wears, we even have some identical clothes and accessories. Plus we share an addiction to H&M, Zara, Aldo and Forever 21. Totally banging! p.s. congratulations on your 100th post!

A shrine to Mr. West, makes for very interesting reading, not just because I love Kanye West in spite of the attitude. I think I even love him because of the attitude.

Served to you in a Loboutin shoe box! Too mad! I LOVE this blog, not just because it tells me what my friends in New York are up to everyday but because Nkem is such a great person and we freakily have a lot in common, SATC, Kimora Lee, Becky Bloomwood e.t.c. And her fashion sense is soo on point, no Olsen baggy looks for her but straight up ghetto Grace Kelly all the way. She doesn't know this [but I guess she will now] when we were younger I used to look out for she and her sister in church everyday to see what they wearing, I was like mentally competing with them. Sick, I know.

This is a closed blog and can only be read upon invivtation. Its sort of the trials of a designer who just moved back to Lagos from London. There're weirdly very few posts about clothes, most of them concentrate on whats going on in her life, which are absolutely HILARIOUS! This blogger has to be one of my favourite storytellers, she can turn just sitting in traffic in Lagos into Arabian Nights, which is a rare gift. The post where she talked about going for an aristo party on a yacht, classic!

Written by the great Susanna Lau, she lives in London and is fashion blogging royalty. She has her finger directly on the pulse and nothing gets by her, as the hot designers are graduating from Central St. Martins, she's already blogging about them. Susie Bubble is a great example of how blogging turns into an actual business, she started her blog just to showcase her daily wardrobe and quirky sense of style but has quickly turned into a designer darling and is now so famous she gets freebies from top labels and gets invited to fashion shows around the world and even does editorials for all sorts of magazines, she even counts the great Daphne Guinness as an admirer. She has won numerous awards and is an example of how modern technology can make happen, what would have taken years and a personal okay from Anna Wintour.

Need I say more? you know you love me, xoxo!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


I don't like Nigerian movies, I think they're so bad they're not worth watching. I know you're supposed to rep your country and all,but I'm so not a fan. So it was a surprise to even myself when on Tuesday after watching the inauguration I sat down to watch Jenifa. This is a must see movie, no doubt. I'd been hearing about it for a while now, like everybody's going wild for it. Its not even a regular Nigerian movie, its in Yoruba sef. But I swear this movie is the highest. It is HILARIOUS! I and my friends have been using Jenifa phrases all week, its that kind of movie, seriously. The actress that played her, Funke Akindele is even nominated for a Future Award [award for exceptional achievers under 35] here in Nigeria. I'm not gonna say anything aboiut it, just go and see it, too mad!

Anyhoo, my fabulous blogger friend, jadore-fashion tagged me to show the 4th picture in the 4th folder in my computer.

The Rules:

1. Go to the 4th folder in your computer where you store your pictures.

2. Pick the 4th picture in that folder.

3. Explain the picture.

4. Tag 4 people to do the same

This picture was taken early 2008, was on my way to Piccolo Mondo to hang out with friends, pas grand-chose.

I'm tagging Kemberly, Uber Fabulous Nigerian Girl, Fashion Addict and Fashion Chalet
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