Sideview Event + Wedding Fab

Yours truly in a vintage Lanre Da Silva lace dress and Ankara bib necklace by ST Colours and acres of "horse hair" (according to commenters on Bella Naija)

SIDE VIEW Magazine is an International magazine; currently distributed in all the major fashion capitals, particularly in Europe, Africa and America. It has featured Celebrities, Artists, Designers, Models and talented professionals from all over the world. After the successful '3 bloggers, 1 night' in Vancouver the fabulous people of Sideview Magazine thought it would be a good idea to host one for their Nigerian readership. They got three amazing bloggers and social media influencers - Terence Sambo, Noble Igwe and Tari Ekiyor whose contributions to fashion, entertainment and lifestyle have been hugely accepted. The editor-in chief Dumebi Agbakoba and Tinu Adesugba were on hand to make sure the event was a blast.

After a long day in court on that Friday, I dragged my boo Oyidiya to the Marquee to go see wassup


Nwunye m, Oy looking tres fit! I need to step up my gym game, in fact to be truthful, I've never worked out in my life, people like Oy inspire me but not enough to actually do something about my looming christian mother arms.


Terence Sambo and Noble Igwe, two of the honorees


Tari Ekiyor, the only female blogger featured.


My bizzles Ediri and Anwuli


Cutie patootie Adebayo Oke-Lawal



Neks2U. Love the hair! I'll never be bold enough to shave it all off but I admire those who do and she looks faboosh!

From there we went upstairs to the bar at the Marquee to party properly and we were joined by my friends Molly and Kafy.


One of my oldest and bestest, Molly


Kafy2slick2brisk

Then we headed to Bacchus to party with my ninja Oye Smith for her birthday. Good times.


Oyetola. We actually became friends through twitter, extremely random friendship. At her Bacchus do, there were all these people I only knew through their handles on twitter and it was so funny how when she was introducing them it wasn't with their real name just twitter handles, This world is officially weird sha.

From there we went on to Rehab which was PACKED! Apparently that night was the Hennessy Beat Bar crawl and I'd totally forgotten.
*for people who don't live in Lagos. There's a radio station called The Beat 99.9, which is without doubt the coolest station in Lagos. Anyhoo every month they host a Bar crawl in conjunction with Hennessy and basically they pick an area in Lagos and go round all the bars in that area in one night.

Very nice you say? Lemme tell you why not....

Now The Beat is a very popular radio station and whenever they do these bar crawls they announce it on the radio the entire week, its like a constant barrage of publicity. So everybody hears it and everybody wants to come out and party with the presenters. Now for those of us who have no wish to be part of the madness we either stay home or party in another part of town. Unfortunately for me though I must have seriously spazzed out last week because I did not remember that they were having one on Friday and I unwisely ventured into Rehab. For your own safety I beg of you, if you hear The Beat is having a bar crawl, STAY HOME. #ThatIsAll

The next day I attended a wedding at City Hall, which is fast becoming the site du jour for weddings and engagements for my friend Chigbo and Mikki's wedding. I'm a total wedding hater, like unless I'm a member of the bridal party or I know the couple well I stay home on Saturdays. I so don't do the attache for weddings that's a staple of Lagos social life. I mean, you've seen one wedding you've seen 'em all. This year though I attended a spectacular wedding, my friend Ediri's and I have another amazeballs one coming up in December, my boo Molly's. This wedding was one of the one's I really liked, it wasn't overly large which is shocking for such very well known people. The crowd was intimate and fun, everybody knew everyone else, you know how at a wedding there's always that person who has no idea who the bride or groom are, this was so not one of the. I really liked it, very unlike my usual grinchy self.


My 'adire' and lace dress by Babushka. I absolutely heart Babushka, I first met the designer at the October Le Petit Marche and I was really impressed by what she had on display. Truth be told she was the only designer that did it for me that day. Unlike many Lagosians I go to LPM to buy rather than stand around looking pretty and trying to get my picture taken, so I'm always on the prowl for hot talent. At the August LPM I discovered Ejiro Amos Tafiri and ST Colours whom I love to death. And at this one Babushka, her dresses are a dream I swear.


The entire back panel of the dress is tricked out in lace. There were some very scary monents when I thought she wasn't going to pull it off as I had to go for a second fitting and amendment but she came through and gave me an amazing dress. Totally gonna rock this again, can't waste it.


Anwuli, Kech, Ediri

Awesome, awesome weekend! Next one promises to be even better though, Himself gets in on Friday (yay). Next weekend is gonna be legendary!

*Oh yeah, I was one of the featured "1000 Smiles of 2010" over on Noble Igwe's blog, 360nobs.com. See it here

What A Guy Wants Pt 2

Two posts ago I talked about the unattainable standards society set for women to achieve in order to score the man of their dreams. A male friend of mine read it and after laughing at me for a few days said he was going to write a response to my "unnecessary" (his words) rant. See below:


WHAT A GUY WANTS…
Daks doesn’t always breathe fire, but when she does, feel free to run screaming in any direction AWAY from the flames. Do not act like me and put on some flame-retardant suit (notice the word “retard” is in there) and run towards her, Robert Redford you are not. At first I thought, man, this post is full of holes! But I didn’t say that to her. Neither did I compliment her (believe me she noticed), I just said, I’d write a response, and so I have. (after setting my affairs in order and taking out a hefty insurance policy)

Women’s magazines are a trip, and I do not speak from a place of ignorance on this. My mother had an ungodly supply of Cosmo, Redbook, People, etc which I used to feed my voracious appetite for reading material. She’s right about the slant towards pleasing your man above all things. But it’s quite obvious that men need only 3 things…
1. Food
2. Sex
3. You to shut up when the game is on TV

Most women know this, yet are still snake-charmed into buying the “99-ways to tell if he loves you” edition of Cosmo with the mind-bending bustier of Penelope Cruz on the cover.

Why you ask?

Because women are very, very complicated and hence, cannot fathom that men can actually be different (read: simple). These writers realize that, and choose to bolster the insecurities of these women in order to make money. Men’s magazines do the opposite. The editor knows that if he puts out a PRIME tip that works wonders he will sell a ridiculous amount of magazines. This is why when FHM published “the Altoid trick” I became a lifetime subscriber.

But back to the main issue…*ahem*

Daks thinks that men have a ridiculous set of criteria for the women they wish to bless with marriage, and this clusterfuck has been propagated by women’s magazines with their laundry lists of Stepford-type brainwashing.

*shrug*

Men DO want a lot, and we happen to be totally unreasonable about it. Guess what? Why don’t the women put their collective foot down and say “NO”? No more Betty Crocker-Sasha Grey crossovers. Make it a “take-it or leave-it” transaction with added emphasis on whether or not the man meets the basic standards of the woman in question. There's the simple answer: “good” men are in short supply, so women being women, endeavor to scheme their way to the man of their choosing; whether it be by performing Julia Child-like miracles in the kitchen; bamboozling him with unspeakable sexual antics; or generally bending over backwards to cater to his every whim, to their own detriment, because the “mystery” that all women possess is then sacrificed out of desperation.

That mystery is that THING that women have that brings men to their knees, that certain air, that je nais se quoi, the thing all men wish to possess and control but never seem to get a firm grasp on.

It is the thing that ensures that no man should ever TOTALLY have a woman figured out. Once that happens…the fire burns out. The power shifts, and then women scramble to regain his interest, his passion, but the mystery might never return if you just let it go. If I was the editor-in-chief of Cosmo/Glamour etc my articles would focus on teaching women one simple thing: How to keep the “mystery” alive. Tips and tricks on how to keep the guy YOU want interested. Even AFTER you snag him. His interest will always be up, and his demands will go down, because he will always think that he has an AMAZING woman in his corner and will not feel he has to ask for anything.
But

There are some who think that this is all balderdash and poppycock. That they are just fine with the status quo as evidenced by Daks’ post.
Well there’s always the possibility that you will end up like this sad excuse for a female
[Oprah & Steve Harvey with a woman for 40+ requirements for the man she would date/marry]


TWP
*Now if I understand the above correctly, the writer says apart from food, sex and sports related silence, all men want is for their woman to be mysterious, to constantly keep them guessing. This still brings me back to my earlier rants, WE'RE BOTH SAYING THE SAME DAMN THING. That is not simple, it is not easy to be mysterious, mystery is not wired into a human being's dna, it takes work therefore you're still going back to my argument that men expect too much from women. No woman would want their man to go around being all mysterious and ish. i think we're at an impasse, I tire jare, just do you, anybody that doesn't like it can like to use ogbono for skipping rope. KMT.*

pps: what is the "altoid" trick?

EX-RULES GIRL

*WARNING* Emotional post ahead, this should be my first and last insight into my private life. #OkThanksReadOn

It seems like I've been on a bit of a battle of the sexes or relationship type p lately but that's just the place I'm in right now.

Have you guys ever heard of this book "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider? As posted in their Wikipedia page, "The book argues that in order to attract and marry the man of her dreams, a woman should be 'hard to get'. A woman who follows "the rules" is called a Rules Girl. The underlying philosophy of which is that women should not aggressively pursue men, but rather ought to get the men to pursue them."

A few years ago I read this book and became an instant "Rules Girl", I followed the directives to a tee, and some gems include:

# Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other
# Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
# Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
# Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
# Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
# Always End Phone Calls and dates First
# Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after 3:00PM.
# Fill Up Your Time before the Date
# ALWAYS end the date first
# Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
# Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
# No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
# Don't Rush into Sex, Wait at Least Three Dates
# Don't Tell Him What to Do
# Let Him Take the Lead
# Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
# Don’t Open Up Too Fast
# Be Honest but Mysterious

I cannot lie, The Rules worked beautifully, I had guys hanging from the rafters and I'm sure some of them did not even understand why they were panting after me but that aura of unavailability was too seductive to resist. The fatal flaw as I later discovered was what happens after you've snagged the man of your dreams, do you keep being a Rules Girl or drop the act?

Humans being more or less animals with developed brain matter, at some point revert to type, no matter how long you've been able to pretend to be something you're not your true nature always pushes through and because you love this man you schemed to capture, you're going to want to show it. You're going to want to let him know when he hurts you, let him know if you're thinking about him 37 times a day, basically let him know you care. According to Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider however, you have to keep practicing The Rules forever, you should never drop the act, you have to keep being the one who loves the least and therefore has the power.

That makes for a very unhappy relationship though and I should know, I applied The Rules diligently. I always had the power, I always had the boyfriends tripping over themselves to please me, to give me everything I wanted, my wish was their command. Which is why my relationships never lasted because I was racked by indecision, "did he really like me or was it just because I was running advanced game?", "did I really like them or did I just enjoy the effect I had on them?". I got called a lot of names; cold, tough girl, hard, unfeeling......when I was tired of the relationships I just bailed, most times without explanation. I have the unique position of never having being dumped, never having a broken heart because I worked diligently to make sure that never happened to me.

I knew I was scared of being that girl but it never made sense to me why I should be afraid of being dumped because how can you fear that which you have never experienced?

Early last year though after breaking up with my boyfriend of two years, I had a long talk with myself. what I was doing basically made no sense, I schemed and planned and plotted to get people who already wanted me in the first place. I was playing games where I thought I was the winner but I was actually losing steadily because after a while the constant unavailability was hard to keep up. Honestly though, its not my fault we're conditioned to behave like this by unbelievable media and societal pressure, but now I just think I don't give a f**k anymore. Some couples stay fronting for each other even after marriage, you see a husband and wife and they're all uptight around each other, putting on airs and graces in front of their life partner...God forbid.

I will never be the kind of girl who can walk up to a guy and ask for his number, or call him first or pursue him. However, I have become the kind of girl that:
#Will smile and carry on a conversation when he approaches me rather than keeping my face like five naira and acting like my s**t don't stink.
#Will call him whenever I feel like it ( I once had a rule that I never spoke to a guy after 9pm and before 10am, smh at myself).
#Will tell him I'm thinking about him even when he hasn't said it that day.
#Will show genuine interest in a guy and not make him feel I was doing him a favour by being with him(another Adaku special)
#Will actually go out of my way and inconvenience myself for him (I truly never did that before, ever)

I definitely still observe some of The Rules but I don't devote myself to them anymore and I'm much happier because I realized the best way to conduct a proper relationship is to let go. Be yourself (I know everybody knows this but trust me I didn't know), drop all pretenses, show you care. If it works out, then thank God because you've hit the relationship jackpot but if it doesn't then thank God also because it means he or she is still out there, you just haven't met them yet *in the voice of Michael Buble* and you have been saved from making a gargantuan mistake.

So this is me letting go and letting God, saying things I would normally not say, doing things I'd have konked myself for doing in the past, maybe it will work out, maybe it won't but at least I'd know I was honest in all my dealings.

*Abeg, guys I had a genuine lack of interest in, you know yourselves. Don't read this and be thinking I bothered to pull out The Rules for you. You only bring out the big guns for the serious ones, not all those waka pass dudes. Those steps were taken for only true relationships of which I've had only two...you know yourselves still*

*No more of all this emo b.s. I promise my profashionals oodles of vapid, airhead type posts*


*Apparently Ellen Fein later got divorced, maybe her husband read the book and was like "Oooh snap! That bitch got me good", or something I don't know but you really shouldn't be giving relationship advice if your own relationship is not quite right. Love those girls still*

I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?

A cross section of perfect women. Part cook, part nympho, part beauty queen, part DOES NOT FRIGGING EXIST!

“How to get your boyfriend to open up in a relationship!”, “7 ways to please your man!”, “Wow that man today!”, “Bag your dream boyfriend!”, “How to get him to propose in 60 days!”, What guys wish you knew!”, “What it means when he doesn’t initiate sex!”

The above are a few of the inane headlines I see everyday as an avid purveyor of women’s magazines and blogs. Now I’m not a feminist, very far from it, I’m all about catering to my man, I’ll cook for him, I’ll tidy up the house etc and at the same time I’m willing to surrender myself to a man who will take care of me, provide for me, be a partner, a lover, a friend etc. Men and women have their roles in this world and I’m not interested in upsetting the applecart.

However, when I see articles like these I just want to scream. What is it about women that suggests we are useless except when acting as a man’s personal handmaiden? I've gone through men's magazines, FHM, Blender, Esquire, Men's Vogue etc and I've never seen ONE article on the best way to get a woman, or how to please your woman in bed....NOT ONE. Now I'm not idealistic, I know women are sellers in a buyers market, we don't pick the men, we get picked but still, can't it be done with some dignity?

I'm tired of been made to feel like a man is the ultimate prize I can aspire to, that if I'm not Nigella Lawson in the kitchen, Esther Baxter in the bedroom and a Stepford wife in the home, nothing for me. Yet men are allowed to be slovenly, have a face like a rat's ass, have peens like No.2 pencils, the conversational ability of a blank wall and still deserve Giselle type women. Hell, they'll settle for nothing less, how dare you ordinary, nothing-special girl dare to think you can get a boyfriend or a husband when you can't perform Cirque Du Soleil type acrobatics in bed while simultaneously cooking the perfect pot of Egusi soup at the same time ensuring that your home is magazine cover worthy?

I've actually being present when some guys describe the kind of girls they can date, you'd be AMAZED to hear the qualifications these guys would reel out and they fully expect to get these girls, anything less would be a travesty. I'll just be smh'ing to myself like "nigga please, you're way past your sell by date, I'd rather shag a celing fan than throw a lay your way and you have the nerve to decide that you don't deserve anything less than Miss World?". For Christ's sake, look at Prince Akeem aka Eddy Murphy "I want a woman that will arouse my intellect as well as my loins", how about he makes sure he can arouse the woman's intellect as well as her loins (or whatever the female equivalent is).

"Bark like a dog, WOOF!"

Females are fabulous and they need men the same way men need them, to have a partner, a confidante, a personal cheerleader, a lover, a caregiver, a husband, a wife. You should deserve the man you end up with and vice versa, if you're spending money and time to enhance and develop yourself, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons (e.g. your future) and not solely as the best way to bag a man.

*Please visit patpend.blogspot.com , where a healthy discussion on marriage is taking place.



*photo credit: google images