Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Long Time Coming


The sick dress and unnecessary but insane leather gloves I wore to the dinner my parents had for me to celebrate my being Called to the Bar


Barrister So Special

I was afraid my blogville visa might have expired, I haven't blogged in sooo long. So much has been going on you wouldn't believe, so here's a quick rundown:

1) I had a fab fab holiday, stocked up on baffs to wow them in the workplace

2) Got my result, Blogville's very own 3WP made a 2:1 or 2nd Class Upper to be more formal. *my cup runneth over*

3) Fell in love

4) Started NYSC and experienced the strangeness of my country Nigeria when all female corpers were forced to take mandatory pregnancy tests. (i have to digress, the experience was too fantastic to just gloss over) Got to camp in Iyana Ipaja in Lagos and was told that before I start registering I have to take a pregnancy test. So I and my friend Ediri were like no biggie, lets go find a lab, "no uh" says the NYSC official "you take the test here in camp". So we were like cool, "where?". The dude now points to this impossibly long line where you can't even tell whats going on up ahead. So we joined the line and stood under the blazing sun for exactly 2hours and 36 minutes (i kid you not). Getting to the front of the line I was confronted by Auschwitz or Bergen-Belsen in Nigerian form, I was given this little, dinky plastic bottle and sent to some kind of sunken patch of grass. My modesty was being protected by tattered hospital screens and piles of matresses, there were now these 3 'nurses' sat there watching all the girls pee. We had to squat (need I remind you that this is all taking place outside) over the plastic bottles and pee in them in full view of the 'nurses'. They were there to make sure we didnt substitute non-preggers pee for preggers pee because married women are not allowed to take part in NYSC. So each 'nurse ' was assigned to a girl and she'd bend down until she was in full view of your privates and from time to time yell out "open am well, make i see the piss". It was a miracle that I was even able to perform under such circustances. Anti-bacterial hand wash and sanitizers were in hot demand that day.

5) Got an exeat from camp and took off for Abuja for my call to bar. Call Week was the bunzest, there were parties every night, I and my friends partied like it was 1999, too effing mad! Had my own dinner and after party on the 6th after my Call.

6) Got Called to the Bar, it might be a bit sappy but I swear I got goosebumps when the Chairman of the Body of Benchers said "I now formally invite you all and severally to the Nigeiran Bar, you may now put on your wigs", or some ish like that.

7) Came back to Lagos, went to camp the next day. Escaped from camp that same night around 11pm under the cover of darkness wearing hastily purchased 'okrika' clothes (which I bought for N500). I couldn't escape in my clothes or the NYSC kit because I'd be caught, so I was told to dress like the market women that work in the mammy market, bathroom slippers and all then maybe I could get through the gates. I and Ediri deserved Oscars that night because we played our mammy market role to the hilt, we even threw out some choice Yoruba phrases as we passed the soldiers.

8) Fell out of love

9) Managed to finally acquire exeats so I'm now free to go in and out of camp as i plese, no more subterfuge. Youth service is not for the faint of heart.

So that's been all so far, hegziting non?
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22 comments

  1. lol i was laughing when i read this. i did some chair dancing exercises yday and my stomach is hurting so the laugh was sooo enjoyable but painful. lol they were watching you pee! thats freaking crazy! no decency whatsoever.
    Congrats on being called to the bar and your result. I am still considering whether to do law school, we'll see. lol
    You didnt elaborate on the falling in love :)
    Needless to say I can tell you definitely enjoyed camp lol

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  2. Wow I was wondering what had happened to you. Long time! Maybe I'm being slow but forced pregnancy tests? Whyyyyy?! I'd be so humiliated! Congrats on your 2:1 and may the future bring you nothing but happiness. Good to have you back.

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  3. Congrats on your 2.1 hon!! well done you...and wow at the happenings at the NYSC camps coz i come from a country where that doesnt exist...

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  4. WOW @ The NYSC test! LIKE OMG!I will so not survive!!! Congrats on the call to bar and your 2.1!!! Blog more often!

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  5. Been a while, so glad to know you still dey. Congrats on the good news, it's not easy at all. That pregnancy test sha, na waooo.

    Tell us about the love angle.

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  6. AWW...u look great in your call to bar outfit. I think that's equally amazing that u got called to bar & you got a 2:1. Congratulations gurlie! And what is this about you falling in & out of love? spill the beanses!

    I'm headed back to do camp next year, and Im not looking forward to the experience at all. I'll serve in Abuja or Calabar (I have to check out their camp 1st b4 I deploy myself). Anyhoo, show us some camp photos!!!

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  7. Oh & that part about peeing in front of the nurses is sooo sick & embarrassing. omg...like why the hell will they make you do that?! ugh..naija.

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  8. aww i'd missed all this blogville lurve! thank you, da'alu, ese, merci, danke, gracias etc for all the congrats. i worked my ass off ladies, i effing deserved it.

    the nysc bit, yeah i guess its kinda fun, all those raging hormones forced to cohabit with each other for one week. but if you can get out of it RUN NIGGER RUN! the accommodations are shitty, bathroom is indescribable, insects are on a rampage, soldiers are sadistic and they wake up at 4am EVERY SINGLE DAY for drills and shit. nevers mate! never, ever, ever, lol.

    at least one good thing came out of it 3wp got a free preggers test and can assure y'all that no baby profashionals are gonna be running about the place

    love you all xxx

    p.s. anya babes, hit me up when you come back here, i'll guide you round the nysc minefield. i've become something of a pro

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  9. @miss natural, you should def do law school. that whole barrister ish puts you at a whole other level of respect

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  10. Congratulations!!!! really happy for you!..and it seems you had a blast in the while you've been away :P

    ...my own law school stint will be in a couple of years...feel free to pass on advise!

    good to have you back..(yupz, i'm one of those readers with spordaic abi non existent comments sef :P )

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  11. LMAO, congrats again my barrister biatch! are u sure u passed that preg test? u sure it's accurate lol!!! anyways, hope camp is treating ok! oh, the fell in love/out of love part is what i want to hear...i will be waiting...buzz! buzz!!!

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  12. tryna leave my love life off blogville, see all you nosy bitches, lol!

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  13. Congrats on ur Call to Bar + 2:1.
    Nyse is truly not for the weak hearted.
    Lovely read.

    didnt know abt such conditions for pregnancy test. Nawaa. Naija will never fail to amaze me.

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  14. that dress was made exceptionally well! rock it mama

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  15. OMG! cnt wait to do NYSC! lol..id be scared tho i cant veen front....i cant pee wen im under presure! lol...I love d dress! fits u just right.Awwwwwww!! u fell in love and out! :S

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  16. congrats on your call...you are pretty..lovely dress...am so copying the style..

    @ NYSC...na so o

    fell in and out of luv...camp luv hmm?

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  17. Gad forbid, abeg no camp love o. lol, all the hotties were day campers like me so we never jammed each other. shame.... thanks doll xx

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  18. Madam congrats ...saw u in some of erenma's pics u ladies u looked gorg!! All the best with being a barrister ....

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  19. Wow,NYSC is on some other shit! I was a day-camper in Abuja camp so i only heard about the pregnancy tests and thought they were kidding!!!
    Congrats on your call to bar hun...
    Feel free to stop by my blog!xoxo

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  20. WTF...pregnancy test..in the open?are those people mad...seriously some people need to protest against thats shit...that is violation of human rights!!men i am appalled

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  21. had to pee and give it to some cute doctor. im repressing those memories from nov 09

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  22. U were in camp same time as meee! Omdayz that pregnancy test business was AWFUL!!! And that thing they set up there with the mattresses was just daft! I stayed in camp all through tho! Even had my birthday while i was in there...the days were horrible but the nites were pretty alright...LoL.

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