DIRTY SEXY SHISHA AND A 13 YR OLD DAD

Lost my shisha virginity last week and believe me it wasn't all its cracked up to be. I felt like I was just inhaling very unaddictive, scented second hand smoke.

On the side, A 13YR OLD DAD!! I'm sure to some people this must be commonplace but I was totally blown away, especially because he looks way younger than his age and his baby mama is 15 but looks 18. I swear I wan laugh die when I saw this picture, I was like this babe sef, weren't there any other guys she knew that she had to go do the dirty with someone who looks like her kid brother. Too freakin hilarious.


Amaaayyyzing!


first puff, thinking i was going to get high immediately [shows what a ju-chick i am]


laughing like a hyena because i felt so stupid

WTF!

Before anything else, I have to get this rant out of the way, Chris Brown, Rihanna? WTF! How could he do that? Am I the only person who thinks that there's something seriously loco going down because the reports are too bizarre. I first heard about it Sunday night watching the Grammy's Live From The Red Carpet on E, when Ryan Seacrest confirmed that they would both not be attending because Chris Brown had assaulted an unknown female even though they were slated to perform. Then I was just like "see this irresponsible kids o, get a little bit of fame and you think you can blow off things like the freakin Grammys". Fast forward to Monday morning and I get an alert from TMZ [I subscribe, its shameful, I know] and I'm just like sheeyiit! Rihanna was the unknown female? I hit the google circuit and all these reports were just coming in fast and furious, to say I am flabbergasted would be an understatement. It reminded me of a convo I had with my cousin, Chidi a few months back, about the both of them and how Breezy was soo cute and soo cool and such a sweet guy and that Rihanna would be the one to eff with him [you know these island chicks]. A couple of months after this the *Kanye scandal hit and it just confirmed everyrhing I said that day, but this totally blows it outta the water like OMG!

*this was when there were reports that Miss Barbados shagged Kanye and gave Chris Brown herpes.

The gist [from the ever reliable TMZ] is that shortly after they left Clive Davis' pre Grammy party Breezy got an sms from a woman who wrote about hooking up later and that's what started the confrontation. He apparently pulled over and hit her so badly with his fists that she could barely open her eyes, she had a fat lip, swollen mouth, her nose was bloodied and there were contusions on her forehead and both sides of her face and also BITE MARKS [seriously!] on her arm and several fingers!!! She wasn't even the one that called 911, people heard her screaming and called the police and by then, Chris Brown had taken off to turn himself in. I need to digress a little, EFFING TURN HIMSELF IN! Like, he left a woman all battered and bruised in his car and went to turn himself in, like what good is that gonna do? Anyhoo the police took pictures of Rihanna at the scene and took her to the hospital, they then impounded his car, a rented Lamborghini. He was booked on a charge of felony criminal threats with the possibility of further charges e.g. domestic abuse being filed against him, he was released on $50,000 bail on Monday.

The repercussions have been outstanding:
1) He was set to host 2 parties in Arizona this weekend for the NBA All-Star festivities and he's just been officially replaced with Nelly.

2)His "Got Milk" campaign just got shelved, with this statement fom the campaign people. "The Milk Moustache campaign is taking the allegations agains Chris Brown very seriously. We are very proud and protective of the image of the Milk Moustache campaign and the responsible message it sends to teens. Mr. Brown's ad was launched last fall and is scheduled to end this week"

3)Wrigley annouced today that they were suspending their ad campaign for Doublemint gum featuring Breezy, they said in a statement. "We have made the decision to suspend the current advertising featuring Brown and any related marketing communications until after the matter is resolved"

I don't think I've seen this kind of backlash against a star since the Kate Moss debacle 2 years ago and that was just her harming herself. Here we have a young superstar beating on a female and not just any female but Rihanna. He's career is so effed, like if he can recover from this I'll truly believe that anything is possible, even though we live in an age of miracles right now [Barack Obama anyone?]

THE STORY OF HERSELF

I was five when I had my first kiss, his name was Olumide and he lived in the house next to mine. I remember we were playing hide and go seek, I was hiding he was seeking and he found me. I can see myself clearly, standing there in my ripped shorts and my Care Bears vest top bartering shamelessly, promising anything if he would go away quietly without letting on that he had found me. The future criminal then boldly said he would do it for a kiss, no big deal I thought then kissed him on the cheek, “no” said the 6year old cad,” like French people do”. I was understandably confused, I had no idea how French people kissed, I had never even met any and thinking they had to be a civilized group I acquiesced and before I knew it, his mouth was clamped on mine like a vacuum and we were swapping spit, literally.

I had never been so disgusted in all my short life and this incident was so monumental that I remember absolutely nothing before it. It was like I was born just a few minutes before THE KISS because that was my earliest memory.

Most people usually remember their mother’s faces bending over them in their cribs or their first day at school, in short most people’s memories are usually up and running before they’re 5 except me, mine happens to be an extremely gruesome kiss with a boy I haven’t seen since. Luckily he didn’t ruin my subsequent experiences
and I got through adolescence with the least amount of harm.

What are your earliest memories? Oh yeah and of first kisses too!

BARBIE: FASHION THROUGH THE AGES & SOME OTHER NOT SO IMPORTANT STUFF

Zee weekend was a blur of champagne, private jets, Monaco, yachts, Russian billionaires and Argentinian polo players. I've been existing in a fugue state of mind, as a result of too much Caviar and Cristal and dancing at Anabel's with princes. My Stuart Weitzman's hurt and my Chopard headband is probably drifting along the Seine now as a result of a crazy scavenger hunt with Charlotte Casirsghi and Tatiana Santo Domingo.... I So Freakin Wish!!!!!!

The weekend was dry, dry, dry! Apart from a night out at Quorum and Tuccano with my partner's in crime [Ediri, Erenma, Adanna & Anwuli] nada happened, zilch! I've spent the last 2 weekend's in school and was chafing at the bit to go to Abuja and see what's happening, but I swear tumbleweed was blowing along Aminu Kano, it was that boring. Next weekend I'll respect my old age and sit my firm, toned tush in Bwari, no more town forays for me.

P.S. the rumour going round town that the waitresses at PLAY on Adetokunbo Ademola now serve in lingerie in addition to serving a little something on the side? BIG FAT IRO! Na lie! Spoke to Elvis Okpaleke, who runs said bar and he said that nothing of the sort is going down, apparently there's going to be a lingerie fashion show at PLAY in a couple of weeks and there was just a little awareness to whip up interest in the show and it happened only ONCE. Plus the girls in their unmentionables were professional models not the waitresses, so all y'all that have been saving your lap dance money and not sending your girlfriend's top up, better hightail it to the nearest MTN umbrella and spend that cheese.

In other 'covered up news', just saw the pics for "Barbie: Fashion Through The Ages", actually I've had them for a couple of weeks but have been too busy to blog, still on that Law School ish, you know. Anyhoo being the big baby I am [still have all my Barbies from when I was a kid] I practically puked when I saw the photos, combinig my two loves: dolls and high end designer clothing, although I can afford only one of the two. I looove these pictures and have spent many a happy hour just gazing at them, for all you old people like me with 10 yr olds inside trying to get out, enjoy!



BURBERRY
Classic Burberry, the scarf, the trench... very reminiscent of Mary Quant, Biba and London 60's cool.


BOB MACKIE
Bob Mackie is THE go to guy for fabulous Hollywood glamour. Anybody remember Cher's gowns from the 80's, especially the Zulu princess/stripper outfit she had on when she won the Oscar for Moonstruck in 1987? Forget Elie Saab, forget Marchesa [as fabulous as they are], Bob Mackie is THE MAN!


VERSACE
My 'Queen' Beyonce Knowles, wore this dress and its totally one of my favourite red carpet looks on her. Tres fabuleux!


CAROLINA HERRERA
Not too wild about this dress, looks like a regular wedding dress from Kleinfeld's to me, but I'm a really big Herrera fan [her wedding dress in SATC the movie is to die for!] and I especially love looking at old pictures of her from the 70's, when she was a Manhattan socialite painting the town red with Diane Von Furstenberg, who knew they would go from sipping Mojito's at Studio 51 and hanging out at Andy Warhol's loft, to fasion royalty.


CYNTHIA ROWLEY
Not a huge fan of this look or of Cynthia Rowley even, but she has a surprisingly huge fan base, so protocol demands she get her 2 cents as well as everyone else. Plus once in a line she deviates from her WASPiness and creates something really cool, maybe its her stint as a judge on Design Star thats opening her up to new possibilities., Who knows?


FERRARI
Forgive me for fashion ignorance, but I never knew Ferrari had a fashion line. I know about Cristina Ferrari, but she doesnt seem to be affiliated with this project so I dont think its one and the same. I need info!


JUDITH LEIBER
Aah Judith of the gloriously sinful purses, hits it outta the park with this achingly beautiful dress. it looks like its been spun from gold thread and its such a perfect Barbie dress. I WANT this dress so badly, its definitely one of my top 3 outta all the dresses


LILLY PULITZER
I flat out don't like this dress, I'd never wear it, nuff said. But this 79 year old former NY socialite is doing pretty well and her limited edition toys also include a Monopoly set.



BADGELY MISCHKA
Don't think this is one of Messrs Mark Badgely and James Mischka's better efforts, the dress certainly could have done without the enormous SJP style corsage on the front. But they're allowed to make mistakes when they're so fabulous all the time, non?


DOONEY&BOURKE
Hmnnn, a little too 2005 for me


MONIQUE LHUILLIER
The Queen of Pretty, sticks to her signature look, but whams it up with that gorgeous brown sash. Won't mind this at all on my Big Day.



ZAC POSEN
I still havent recovered from Posen's bridesmaid dresses from SATC the movie and he comes and hits us with this again. The volume! The pleats! The colour! I Love!
p.s. also peep Zac as Ken, too keeyoot!


BARBIE FOR MAC
Makeup Art Cosmetics shows us the meaning of diversification. Why stick to boring old foundations and lipglass, when you can do Barbie!

photo credits: elle.com

P.S. check out kemberlysramblings.blogspot.com for her Women Worth Knowing post featuring Blondie Okpuzor, definitely worth reading.