Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?

A cross section of perfect women. Part cook, part nympho, part beauty queen, part DOES NOT FRIGGING EXIST!

“How to get your boyfriend to open up in a relationship!”, “7 ways to please your man!”, “Wow that man today!”, “Bag your dream boyfriend!”, “How to get him to propose in 60 days!”, What guys wish you knew!”, “What it means when he doesn’t initiate sex!”

The above are a few of the inane headlines I see everyday as an avid purveyor of women’s magazines and blogs. Now I’m not a feminist, very far from it, I’m all about catering to my man, I’ll cook for him, I’ll tidy up the house etc and at the same time I’m willing to surrender myself to a man who will take care of me, provide for me, be a partner, a lover, a friend etc. Men and women have their roles in this world and I’m not interested in upsetting the applecart.

However, when I see articles like these I just want to scream. What is it about women that suggests we are useless except when acting as a man’s personal handmaiden? I've gone through men's magazines, FHM, Blender, Esquire, Men's Vogue etc and I've never seen ONE article on the best way to get a woman, or how to please your woman in bed....NOT ONE. Now I'm not idealistic, I know women are sellers in a buyers market, we don't pick the men, we get picked but still, can't it be done with some dignity?

I'm tired of been made to feel like a man is the ultimate prize I can aspire to, that if I'm not Nigella Lawson in the kitchen, Esther Baxter in the bedroom and a Stepford wife in the home, nothing for me. Yet men are allowed to be slovenly, have a face like a rat's ass, have peens like No.2 pencils, the conversational ability of a blank wall and still deserve Giselle type women. Hell, they'll settle for nothing less, how dare you ordinary, nothing-special girl dare to think you can get a boyfriend or a husband when you can't perform Cirque Du Soleil type acrobatics in bed while simultaneously cooking the perfect pot of Egusi soup at the same time ensuring that your home is magazine cover worthy?

I've actually being present when some guys describe the kind of girls they can date, you'd be AMAZED to hear the qualifications these guys would reel out and they fully expect to get these girls, anything less would be a travesty. I'll just be smh'ing to myself like "nigga please, you're way past your sell by date, I'd rather shag a celing fan than throw a lay your way and you have the nerve to decide that you don't deserve anything less than Miss World?". For Christ's sake, look at Prince Akeem aka Eddy Murphy "I want a woman that will arouse my intellect as well as my loins", how about he makes sure he can arouse the woman's intellect as well as her loins (or whatever the female equivalent is).

"Bark like a dog, WOOF!"

Females are fabulous and they need men the same way men need them, to have a partner, a confidante, a personal cheerleader, a lover, a caregiver, a husband, a wife. You should deserve the man you end up with and vice versa, if you're spending money and time to enhance and develop yourself, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons (e.g. your future) and not solely as the best way to bag a man.

*Please visit patpend.blogspot.com , where a healthy discussion on marriage is taking place.

*photo credit: google images


  1. society sets unattainable standards for women all over the world. its high time people realize that no one can fit all those roles and still be sane.
    follow my blog at mbabaziannet.blogspot.com

  2. Sure guys, you can get a perfect woman, as sure as chickens have teeth. Daks, I've been waiting a long time for an article like this! Men expect us to be bionic, meanwhile 99% of them aren't even worth our used tampons!!

  3. Daks o! You have killed me. Hilarious!But seriously men's magazines tell them how to get a woman and how to please a woman and how to keep a woman. I'm not talking about the mindless ones('Nuts', 'Loaded' etc) that objectify women but the nice ones like GQ and Eesquire tell you how to dress and act and smell to attract the Giseles of this world and rise a world above the common woman on the street.
    ps:Thanks for the plug!wink*

  4. lol, was going to return with a post like this, Its amazing isn't it?

    lmao, what was I going to say self? lol Daks,

    Na so the world be, tragic but yes it is the world we're living in now

  5. I am a feminist but I've learnt to overlook such articles. To each their own.

  6. I couldn't agree more. Miss 3WP, I believe if wanting as much from a man as he wants from me makes me a feminist, then let me be a feminist! In the end, we're all human looking to gain respect, enjoy companionship & feel loved. I don't expect any less just because I am woman. And no reasonable partner I choose to be with should expect to give any less!

  7. CHURCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I have co-sign's for like every sentence!


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