Monday, March 7, 2011

The Randomness

This past weekend was officially my favourite weekend since I left the bright lights of Gidi and moved to the boondocks.

It started with a visit to a strip club or rather, to be more politically correct, a "Gentleman's Club" with my friends.....lemme backtrack a bit.

I committed an unpardonable sin and forgot to update my profashionals with gist. A couple of weeks ago, I was at my friend Jola's flat for a drinks/mini house party do, nothing serious just chilling. Midway through the festivities, there were about fifteen people there, dude announces that he booked a stripper for the night,

I was like "Na yam"

Him: "I swear down"

Me: "Na beans"

Him: "Wallahi!"

Me: "Porraro"

Him: "Why don't you believe me now?"

Me: "Even if you have five heads and one bob marley, no be only stripper" *yimu*

I wanna eat my words die that night.

At around 11.30pm, there was a mini commotion at the door and I saw Jola's Greek flatmate running into the flat, barely able to put together a coherent sentence, apparently whatever he had seen at the door had rendered all his intensive English Language lessons redundant and dude was just grunting, arms flailing while he attempted to put a sentence together. I whispered to my friend Amerie "if there's really a stripper there, I'll eat my ghd hair straightener" (y'all know that ish is costly, so you can imagine the level of my conviction that everyone around me was lying).

The door opened and a very scantily dressed babe walked in and was like "turn up the music", I. Was. Stunned.

*Sidebar: Now maybe a lot of you have had personal experiences with girls who shed their clothing and writhe around starkers for collective crowd enjoyment, well I Miss Thirdworldprofasional, have had zero experiences with persons of that category, so this was a huuge deal for me. I have a very shameless obsession with prostitutes, strippers and pornstars, an obsession which The Awesome Himself finds extremely alarming. I just find them so interesting, my lifelong wish is to sit down with one of the afore-mentioned and just ask them questions about their lives.The level of desperation you have to sink to to do what these girls do is a source of endless fascination for me. One time I even convinced Himself to stop on Adeola Hopewell street in VI so I could talk to a prostitute, this babe now thought I had other things on my mind and was now like "eight thousand for short time, but na only for your oga or the two of you?". I was gearing up to reply this highly interesting question when Himself gave the accelerator belle and sped out of there visibly shaken at my brazen behaviour.

Anyhoo, conclusion is I was hella excited to finally meet a stripper. The girl walked in, someone turned up the gbedu and she started taking her clothes off, I and Amerie just clutched each other and kept screaming throughout the performance. This girl took EVERYTHING off and started showing her wares, full frontal, nothing was left to the imagination, I saw lady parts I didn't even know I had sef, the exposure was that blinding. Guys were excited, adjusting themselves, packing...Kai, what my eyes saw that day, I still can't fully articulate it.

Thinking off what to do on another dulling night in The Grampians, Miss Jayla suggested we go to a "Gentleman's Club", I was like no wahala and just arranged a posse to accompany us. We entered the club and I spotted the stripper from the house party I went to, we both screamed and hugged each other. My friends were flabberwhelmed, as in how did I know a stripper so intimately we'd reached hugging levels. The long and the short of all this yarns sha is that my new friend decided to give me a lap dance, ladies you must do this at least once before you die. You know when we used to play Truth or Dare in secondary school and we'd dare someone to give another person a lap dance and everybody will be screaming like it was the greatest thing ever? Believe me when I say these girls have degrees in lapdancing, PhD's sef. The movement was intricate, they took no prisoners, totally dedicated to their craft and as I gisted Himself when I got home that night, I finally know what breast implants feel like, now I can die happy.

Pre-strip club, had to stop at a bar and get a White Russian to fortify myself

The yummiest drink ever, tastes like a cold capuccino but the alcohol content is lethal

Miss Jayla

Dimi and Remi

.....and yeah, we all got lap dances.

I went to see Gnomeo and Juliet with Aruna, which is just the cutest movie ever. I loved it, but I love cheesy movies so if you're not the hearts and flowers type never ever take movie recommendations from me. This movie was hella funny though, Emily Blunt was in it and I feel like she's in like 317 movies this year. Everywhere I look there's a movie trailer with Emily Blunt in it, I remember when this happened to Jude Law one year and he took a hit for the over exposure.

I hope it doesn't happen to her though because she's such an awesome actress, she had me at "I'm sorry, do you have some prior commitment? Some hideous skirt convention you have to go to?". Emily and Miranda were the entire movie.

With my goody bag from the Kiki Kamanu show at LFW, I really have to do the post on Fahsion Mavericks next. The bag had an ankara Victorian style ruff thingy in it, that could also double as a sort of vest. Amazeballs!


Friday evening I battened down the hatches and stayed home eating chocolate ginger biscuits and watching Fringe, while sounds of merriment were echoing outside my flat door, I refused to be moved. Nothing comes between me, Olivia Dunham and Walter Bishop.

It started off not too great when I, Jayla and a few other friends went for one of the thousands of Nigerian house parties people love to throw here, dead looking babes, guys in cornrows and earrings.....smh, best thing about them is always the music, standard naija tunes and hiphop compared to electro-pop house stuff you get in the clubs. We had to get into the Raspberry Vodka and Coke just to be able to crack a smile, after a while we started to get merry. I noticed Ive built up an amazing tolerance for alcohol, I never had the head for it so I hardly ever drank but now I'm so much better, its a miracle.

Jayla *and yes I know her real name isn't Jayla, its just that, thats her twitter handle and I'm so used to seeing it I can't help calling her that all the time*

My love affair with leopard print is going to be consummated this year, trust.

We escaped from the "party" and went on to a bar and kept getting happier and happier. You know that feeling when you're in great company, everyone looks hot, you've all partaken of your libations so tongues have been loosened, everything is so damn funny? Yeah well that was our mood the entire night, went on from there to a club called Aurum and tore down the dancefloor, apart from a semi-drunken call to Himself I didn't do too shabby at all.

Spent the day doing laundry and watching my beloved United lose. The shame of it, I would have preferred we lost to Arsenal than to those Scousers. The enmity between Manchester United and Liverpool goes back years, it is deep and to be beaten at Anfield, I have no words, none at all.

It is well sha.

It is now 1.44am and I have a class at revoir mon profashionals

Love and Light xxx

p.s. Charlie Sheen has just been causing wahala on twitter this weekend and even the ones with #GoatBlood and #MgbekeDna will follow and be tweeting #Winning.

*you have to be on twitter to get what I meant above*

Dude entered the Guinness Book of Records for gaining over a million followers on twitter in just 24 hours, tres impressive, trust. I confess I am one of the 1 million followers just praying he has a public meltdown on twitter and starts naming members of the illuminati or something....


  1. Interesting. Nice outfits. Check out KOD whenever you go to Miami. A sight ma'am.
    Also check out magic city in Atl. GA

  2. Is ghd like the CHI?

  3. Exciting weekend you had. I'm yet to have a proper stripper experience,so i'm still a virgin too. Looking good as usual and lovely write up :)

  4. Nice post!

    You need to try the black strip club 'Sin City' in NYC.....then you would have truly landed!!

  5. ..and to think you thought your social life would plummet in ABZ...hehe!

    Now I want a lap dance!!!

  6. I remember my first strip club experience was in lagos....the weekend i actually moved back....errr it was an experience....:|

    You guys look really nice...

  7. yeah new post
    so what was the strippers name?
    did she do the twizzle on you?
    also o you think there is some kind of correlation between your interest with night workers and your love of leopard print?
    p.s. you real purtty

  8. i luv d crop top in the ist photo. ur fashion game is on point. u did hav a fun weekend. xx

  9. very interesting weekend.unfortunately,still a virgin in the category of strip clubs,strippers and lap dances :(

    xoxo sugarkanke

  10. LMAO at the stripper story! Love your narration- it's like you gisting us face to face lol

    Love the jeans and leather skirt mix! And that animal print shirt.


  11. Big shame about Man U, :( As for Charlie Sheen, I just pity that guy, I hope he doesn't really have a melt down.

    Have a great week!

  12. Babes, you re a certified looney!!! I loooove this post...esp the dig on @charliesheen.

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  14. Hahah, girl you are crazy! I wanna go to a strip club but I know I will chicken out at the last looked fab, as always!

  15. fun week all together, love the whole crop top n blazer ... i've learnt something new
    As 4 Charlie Sheen, no comment

  16. Sounds like you had a titilating weekend ;) now if only the awesome himself was there to make those days a lirrle sweeter. LOL...i like that you call him that, it's super cute!

    You're looking bunzies as usual, proper hotness with fresh hair. I like. So you're not dulling after all, scottie is really being good to you. enjoy my sista!

  17. You look lovely, but that hair...over kill, try and tone it down a little.

    i have had a stripper experience - she was stiff as hell.

  18. ur outfit is hot and the hair is on point..lovely girl

  19. The hair is nice mehnnnn.... I'm thinking of getting it done myself. Ignore that anonymous person...

  20. You look fab!!!

    I tagged you in an award :-), come to my blog to claim it!

  21. Love the croptop and red blazer look and that animal print shirt in the last pic is rocking my socks!!

    Xisses, Onyxsta

  22. LOL at guys with cornrows and earrings! Def sounds like Nigerians that stay in the same spot for years.


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