Tuesday, February 8, 2011

We all have bats in our belfry; some more than others

Racing to Union Square to exchange a dress I bought for a smaller size (yes I've lost weight and I'm not happy, my old ikebe was so nice), I was suddenly assaulted by Valentine's Day. Not like I'd forgotten that Singles Awareness Day was next Monday, it had just.....I don't know, skipped my mind. Looking around the High Street it was like everywhere had been soaked in rouge.....red window displays, cutouts of huge hearts, red confetti, f%*$ing red dresses everywhere, I was so irritated.

I'm usually an advocate of V-Day, I like it as much as the next loved up person but when you know the day is going to be spent either studying or eating noodles in front of How I Met Your Mother, it kinda puts a damper on things. Now if only there were some way to alleviate my mood, maybe prevent me from being so depressed next Monday.....

Anyhoo, away from all that romance bullshizz.

Would have blogged earlier but my laptop decided to show me who was the madam in our relationship and crashed this weekend, I swear I didn't do anything to it. One minute I'm reading my course handout, next minute....black screen with a single white arrow on it, not moving, nada. My heart nearly stopped. Little things reeaallyy upset me and I spent the whole of Sunday alternating between sleeping and crying, until my absolute darling genius of a brother called from Nigeria after I had sent him dozens of SOS messages and walked me through how to fix it, like step by step. I felt like such a computer person that day, doing things like system restore and filedisc something and soo many other complicated techy type words that I will never remember. I have to say a special thank you to him here on TWP. Mwah! Love you lots you gorgeous man you.

Mon frère

Ooooohhh, before I forget, last week I found out my flatmate Azhanty is an absolute mentaller! I'm actually very used to being surround by crazy people, all my close friends are nuts. Its like every school I attended and all the friends I made there, were more often than not, lunatics.

Case in point;

Pampers Nursery School - I don't remember too much about nursery school but I'm sure I had a crazy friend there because there was once an incident involving I and another girl, 2 boiled eggs, a miniature My Little Pony, a copy of English Primer and lots of puke. I'm a little hazy on the details but I remember both of us being nearly expelled...and seriously who gets expelled from nursery school?

Corona School - Amaka, Uju, Isowei , Michelle U, Onyinye. We were terrors in our little red and white school uniforms and as far as I know, they're all still crazy.

Grange School - Jennifer, Linda. Very dangerous combination.

Queens College - Henrietta, Nneka, Nwabugo, Yoko, Hilda. There's really no need to expantiate on these people, fact is they're all still very, very nuts.

University of Nigeria - Uju, Adaora. It was Eastern madness all up in there.

Nigerian Law School - Ediri, Adanna, Erenma, Anwuli and by extension Amaka and Iroghama. These were the Holy Grail of mad people I'd accumulated over the years.

Listing the above was just to buttress my point that no matter how far I went, wherever I went, mad people found me. Truly I've tried to stay away from insanity, tried to be as normal as possible but still my Chi keeps digging up all these aiders and abetters, so that whatever happened I stayed entertained.

Where was I....yes Azhanty. Now a little while ago this child made a bet with some people a couple of continents away. Bear that in mind, these people were all the way in Mexico, so if she lost the bet they couldn't get to her, didn't stop her still. The bet was over some Mexican football team and sadly Azhanty lost. Ask me the condition of this preposterously stupid bet; the loser will have to shave her head, her whole head, like gorimaps and tings. I was in the kitchen jejely when this girl burst in, asking if I'd witness something. First thing that came to my mind was she was talking about a legal document, babe was like no, she wanted me to watch her shave her head and film it too so she could prove she really did it. I was like "say what now? You wanna shave your head?" And she was like "si" and I was like "Dios mio!"

*Truly I said "Dios mio", I think I thought I was in an episode of one of those dreadful Mexican telenovellas like Catalina and Sebastian*

The guy that was going to do the shaving arrived and I watched horror struck while 18 inches of Mexican hair, colour 4 was peeled off this girls head. I go into debt to buy human hair and someone just shaves it off casually because she lost a bet, I still haven't recovered.

There are no words, none at all

In the video of The Great Mexican Scalping, you can see me jumping in and out of the frame in my Mickey Mouse nightie screaming "STOP!" I'll put it up here once she's done editing it, very traumatic.

In happier news, I decided to sample Aberdeen's nightlife with my friend Amerie last weekend and I still don't know how to describe it. Its a student town, Uni of Aberdeen, Robert Gordon University and Aberdeen College are all here so there are loads of bars, pubs, clubs..whatever catches your fancy really, lots of places to hang out in.....and loads of guys.

Now I don't know whether they were specially bussed in from around the UK to welcome me or something but I swear Friday night, there were like 7 guys to 1 girl, it was a total sausage fest. I was just like, shuuuuu. And they were all so predatory, like practically standing in line to talk to a girl. Let me try and describe this, a guy is talking to you and while he's still doing his spiel, pulling out all his best moves another one just cuts in and starts talking, if that one goes to get you a drink another one cuts in. I was just like WOAH. These guys are starved. Complimentary cards and numbers were flying around like confetti, one of the funniest nights out I've been on in a long while.


TWP at Espionage just before the levees broke and the manstorm came in.

That was my week so far, school proper started this week and I had my first lecture today Marine and Coastal Law, tomorrow i have Oil and Gas Regulation.....*sigh* kill me now.

p.s. I don't know if anyone knows this, well I just found out myself, forgive my ignorance but the Scottish 10 pound note has the map of Calabar on its back (or I think its Calabar, maybe its Akwa Ibom). Anyhow sha, its there and a picture of Mary Slessor on the front. I knew she was a big deal in Nigeria and all that but I had no idea her whole stopping twins from being murked made waves over here too.

I tried to rotate and all, ish didn't work. Forgive me, I'll get my brother on it asap. Anyhoo thats Maaaary *in an Igbo accent*

The map. I was paying for something when I saw "Arochuku" on the back of the note (which is actually spelled wrong, proper spelling is "ArochukWu"), I actually screamed.

I'm very dramatic.

C'est finis, love and light xxx

p.s. Go watch Love and Other Drugs! I love Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal in this movie, I wanna marry the both of them! Awesome, awesome movie. I totally endorse!


  1. I married both of them as soon as i watched it(Anne&Jake)..
    so i am crazy?i see..

  2. Babe, u are hilarious! And yes Bugo, u are crazy...which is why we love u so much!

  3. @bugo Errr..yeah you are homie. The sexing was on overload though, my eyes were on stalks throughout.

    @hazel. thanks much. She knows she is, she's just coming on here to form innocent

  4. tres funny!!! With the manstorm your monday shouldnt be too lonely :)

  5. hahaha...i laughed throughout the post

    You are very funny

    Nice one

  6. Very funny descriptions. As for your room mate, i expected that as a proper igbo girl, you should have packaged the hair and sold it for good money :)......Anyways, cute bro u've got there.

  7. I didn't know that about Mary Slessor being on the 10-pound note. Good to know.

  8. @Abimbola. No manstorm for me, Skype date with The Awesome Himself.

    @NuttyJ.Thank you!

    @Anon. Nwanne I considered it o, the babe was already gonna donate it to Canver research, so no dice *le sigh*

    @NaturalNigerian. I'm happy to be your reservoir of trivia, lol.

  9. Nsogbu adiro.....yep, since she's donating for a good cause. Lovely blog u've got here. Just discovered it a week ago and am almost through with all the posts.

    An ex unec chic.

  10. I didn't know you were in Aberdeen for your MS, I went to Edinburgh Uni. The Mary Slessor thing is only on the Clydesdale bank 10 GBP. I was thrilled to see it too, lol.

    Your Mexican flatmate is so funny..

  11. Hilarious post. Watch out for roomie!

  12. Your flatmate is hilarious! Wow! Haha Kate, the roomie seems like she could maybe sneak into someone's room and cut of THEIR hair when they're asleep haha


  13. your flatmate is something else.. WAT!!!


© THIRD WORLD PROFASHIONAL . com | All rights reserved.
Blogger Template Designed by pipdig