Saturday, November 8, 2008

PAPA!!!!!!!!

LINUS 4th NOVEMBER 2008 - 4th NOVEMBER 2008

I've never really being a skin person, its just that brown stuff that covers my whole body and protects my internal organs and stuff, right? I have friends who can't even remember the last time they saw their dressing tables because of all their Elizabeth Arden this and Clinique that, miracle night repair, microdermabrasion, revitalift etc, name it, they've got it. Not me though, i'm surprisingly low maintenance when it comes to skin and have stuck faithfully to my Olay for donkey years and this isn't Olay for anything special mind you, its just regular Olay lotion, a baby could even use it [ unlike some lotions I know that if a baby even smelled it, the poor infant would just keel over and die]. I don't even use a cleanser, facial wash, I've been so blessed I never thought all that gloop was necessary until now.

My nightmare began very inauspiciously one morning, I was making my bed in school when I spotted something that made my blood curdle in my veins, it was dreadful, with malevolent markings, red and black warpaint, something which any QC boarder would recognize, papa aka skirt and blouse, aka electric ant and it was headed straight for me, i grabbed the nearest weapon I could find [unfortunately my November Harper's Bazaar] and attacked the monster, when I was done killing it, I spotted another one but too late, it was already making tracks for the door, presumably to spread the word about the murder. I had seen the last of it, I thought.

A few days later, I made my usual early morning dash to Bwari from Abuja and because I was in a hurry I forgot to shake out my shirt before wearing it. I want to digress a bit here, I'm not untidy, i'm actually an extremely fastidious person but Bwari is INFESTED. Martha freakin Stewart would have problems here. Its not even mosquitoes we're dealing with, if it were just that, Raid and a good strong mosquito net would suffice, but these are carnivorous insects, some of them the size of baby rats each with a different agenda and a liking for a different body part. Some are neck insects, some legs, you get my drift. Some dont even bite they're just looking for accomodation and are perfectly happy to share your bed, follow you to the bathroom, eat your food and I swear even make up with you [ i saw one with a suspiciously smooth face and I swear it was my MAC studio fix that did it]. Anyhoo back to the point, I wore my shirt, folded the sleeves a la Kanye West and reached up behind me to put my hair in a pony tail when I felt a curious tingling in the crook of my arm, but i discounted it. 15 minutes later, I was in class and was admiring the precise way my sleeves were folded and how I could give Kanye a run for his money when I noticed a red patch on the inside of my elbow, I thought I had scratched myself somehow and just fashied it, but 2 hours later it started to hurt, I still ignored it.

Cut to a day later and my arm looked like something out of Dr. Who, nobody had to tell me it was papa. Of course everybody had their remedies, from toothpaste, to GV to urine, even S had, had a similar run in with them, I was not alone but being a firm believer in modern medicine I went to the hospital. As I write this my body is being pumped full of antibiotics, there is purple GV all over my arm and I had to fashion a makeshift bandage to cover my arm so i won't gross people out. Now I'm searching for some cover up, miracle night repair and the whole damn arsenal like crack. I would sell my LV Speedy to have a regular arm again, seriously.

I would like to use this medium to apologise to the family of the deceased electric ant [which i have named Linus, because I hate that name]. Please forgive me, don't send anybody else after me, I'm very sorry for killing Linus , if you can get your account details to me I would like to give you some finacial assistance. I know,no amount of money can replace him but maybe your own personal MAC studio fix, in NW45 perhaps?
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11 comments

  1. CHEI!!! this is too funny! LMAO ....but, pele dear...LMAO NW45! hey that thing is not for the masses o! gud one!

    o n this is Odi...LMAO

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  3. ohhhhhhh i feel for linus bt i wish i had to slice him after u murdered him.

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  4. dont feel for that b*****d o, he's messed up my arm

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  5. Pele, I got bitten on my face when I was 12 soooooo gross and I still have a black mark. Reading this gave me major goosebumps *shudder*

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  6. jus reading and the picture, made my body tingle, ewwww!!!, A LOT of NW45 will do some cover up lmao! did u say urine as remedy, gosh--run abeg!
    i hate anything that crawls, pelle!!! "walk" that messed up arm lol

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  7. lol, we should start a support group, Victims of Papa

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  8. this is so funny, never knew u had this mad sense of humour! love reading ur blog... wish u all the best.

    and u do look like Naomi/Tyra

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  9. funny!mad humour..lik i was readin a narrated movie,real captivatn....lol

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  10. @ anonymous, merci merci. i love people that love me.

    @ korede, thanks dear. for your sake i'll keep em coming

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  11. Yep yep! Only in bwari do you get all that bullshit. In those darn harmattan days too...sh!t.

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